30-Day Music Challenge: Day Three

Happy Sunday...

So far, so beans. I'm heading into the third day of this challenge...

Today calls for "a song that reminds you of summertime".

Hmmm...difficult, without using the obvious songs with the word "summer" in the title.

There was a song I was listening to on Pandora the other day that I said reminded me of summer parties AND I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THAT IS NOW.

I got one...

So I used to teach dance at one point at a summer camp...one reason this reminds me of summer is because I used it during that time, I guess. But it does have a nice, open summery sound along with some gritty urban finessing.






Troop-- "Spread My Wings".

This is extra, but this does too, for some reason:




Color Me Badd-- "Color Me Badd".

30-Day Music Challenge: Day Two

So here's Day Two of the 30-Day Music Challenge.

A song you like with a number in the title...

I have just the one.

Joy Zipper--"1".

This song really speaks to me. It kind of reminds me of how it feels to just try and get along being myself and the isolation I might feel but then I feel the...dare I say comfort?-- in knowing that I can just be the individual that I am, regardless of how people might feel about it.

"People come and go/but you're the one..."

30-Day Music Challenge: Day One

Hey, minna-san.
So in another attempt to kickstart blogging and end the year with a bang, I'm doing another music challenge. It's been awhile.

Day One: a song you like with a colour in the title.

Well, DUH:

Prince-- "Purple Rain".
First thing I thought of.

Regarding The Song Whose Title I Won’t Post In This Blog Title

Hey, minna-san...
I know-- it's been like literally a year since I last posted. I have to admit it's because I just kind of fell off. I had no net for a minute, and then I was just still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the design of the site and everything. Plus touring and making re-release plans for "P.R.O.W.L.", raising my clowder...it's been a lot. So I apologise.

This is long, so getcher popcorn ready, GNOtaku.

I wrote a note on Facebook awhile back about one of the songs on "P.R.O.W.L." that I got into a row with one of my team about; a title I cannot really mention here due to issues brought on by a narcissistic entity. Someone took it upon themselves to trademark a phrase that I had been using for years because they were butthurt that 0 Fxcks Given has been my policy for dealing with them for nearly the past ten years. That, and a party thrown last year after freaking Newark Comic Con. Petty revenge-- usual modus operandi for them, I suppose, to throw a monkey wrench in my plans per the norm. Stop "the bomb from becoming".

Another one I had to make. It happens.

Get over it, Veruca. The bomb is still becoming. The bomb is ALWAYS becoming.

...but I digress. That's the abridged version of the backstory.

The argument was that I was “too talented” to just "write responses" to the aforementioned person, and I needed to start writing hits, which, in their opinion, I was good at doing. As if writing responses to them is all I ever do--like that's my whole catalogue.

Which, whether or not they want to accept it, the song I’m referring to above (which I also cannot post here) is decidedly not.

In 2011, after Y E A R S of taking shxt and abuse from her camp and fanbase--up to and including death threats to myself and some GNOtaku--I finally decided to tell my side of things in the way I knew to express myself best--I fxcking rhymed the shxt out of it.




I argued, “No-- this ^^^ was the response to her.” Like, six fxcking years ago...

I argued that they were gonna think what they wanted, no matter what I said, since they had it in their head that E V E R Y T H I N G I bloody do is a response to her--much like she does, come to that. I said I can’t worry about what other people think on what I do, or how it looks to the neighbours. Did too much of that in Past-Life (pre-GATA); ain’t nobody got time for that shxt now.

I will admit, now that I think about it (and I actually have said this out loud before), that I have a lot to purge about the stuff that is still happening, the stuff I haven’t addressed, the stuff the babymomma was doing, the shxt they did to both of us together that I feel I truly need to get rid of. IDGAFF if they hear it, cuz it’s not for them.

It’s for me. To cleanse me. My own form of therapy. Not everything has to be a diss track or a response.

But, again, just to be clear--and for those in the rafters not tryna hear me:

THE SONG THAT I MENTION BUT AM NOT POSTING IS NOT ABOUT OR A RESPONSE FOR THAT PERSON.

The argument got so heated--with supposed examples to back it up on their end (of which they admitted they had no source but themselves)--that I eventually had to abruptly end the conversation. I was frustrated beyond frustrated. WTF. Why is this even an issue?

I even asked them if they REALLY listened to the lyrics of the song. I mean...they should have done, for good reason, because this individual is in my camp. I’m guessing no...because if they had, they wouldn’t have fixed their face to say this to me, and argue me down about it.

It occurred to me that I should prolly just break down the lyrics.

Here I present the lyrics, broken down, to the song. I should probably do this on Genius someday.




I came out swinging fighting for every single breath
(I was born with a condition that caused me to be born prematurely. I had to fight said condition to stay alive.)

Prolly keep on fighting till I lay down for my death
(Said because that seems to be my lot in life since my birth. I’ve had to fight many battles just to exist. I’m still fxcking fighting them and I imagine I will have to until I’m gone.)

They don’t make ‘em like me no more prolly never did
Dime a doz nah cuz you can see I’m not a typ

–ical chyck I’m a new brew for yer palate
(Well, that’s self-explanatory. I have always been different. The mold was broken, I’m not a dime a dozen, etc. I’m not what people expect when you say “hip-hop artist”. Or, “from Newark”, for that matter. “New brew”--different from what folx are used to. Tea metaphor.)

Hitting like Mjolnir or a cartoon mallet
(I might knock you for a loop like Thor’s hammer or one of those Looney Tunes Acme mallets, because you might not know what to make of me.)

That ain’t all folx (another Looney Tunes reference) I’m just getting gwan
I’m here to educate you on the vida of the nyan
(NYANVIDA--”nyan life”. My philosophy as such: The importance of being yourself and being brave enough to stand and roar your truth.)

Blackest cat on the block blackest sheep in the flock
No place in my race wouldn’t fit in a box
(I didn’t belong anywhere. Still don’t quite belong anywhere: “blackest sheep”. And people had trouble putting me in a niche, so I was always labeled “white”. So eff them--”blackest cat”.)

So I had no choice but to follow my voice
Rocking the box the new style bring the noise
(I decided to just be me, and rhyme what I rhyme, about what I choose, what was true for me, not for everyone else. I reference some of my  influences by their lyrics: Run-DMC, Beastie Boys, Public Enemy.)

I took the red pill evolved to black cat
Heralded my change and the clones don’t accept that
(“The Matrix” reference, meaning that I chose to follow truth [the red pill] and embraced who I am fully [the name change on all fronts, until I also did it legally] and there was and still is a tonne of opposition because I had the clitoral fortitude to do this for me, and we all know people hate what they don’t get, and are mad that they don’t have the nuts to do the same [a “glitch in their matrix”]. I evolved to Gata Negrra/ThaGataNegrra. Simply saying it aloud, writing it down repeatedly, that was the signal for the evolution. I was my own herald [“it happens when they change something”].)

Capitalise yeh I did it-- spay me never
You tore me down I pulled myself together
(Partly references the fact that I capitalise it [and had been capitalising it for years] for emphasis [GATA] and that I took me and ran with it. References being shat on for doing this, for shedding my Past-Life energy, for knowing that I am resilient. I didn’t stay broken.)

T-h-a G-a-t-a … N-e-g-r-r-a
T-r-u-e O-r-i-g-i-n-a-l G-a-t-a
Whatcha say whatcha say…
T-h-a G-a-t-a… N-e-g-r-r-a
T-r-u-e O-r-i-g-i-n-a-l G-a-t-a
All day all day
(Literally spelling it out for you. Affirming that this is me “all day”.)

There was a time when they thought Dei sold out
So I evolved transformed and rolled out
I bumped her off so there wouldn’t be no doubt
I wasn’t soft I was letting my bold out
(This is about Past-Lifer. I had a different name, the nickname for which was Dei [dee], and once I had been liberated of my place in my former tribe and went out on my own musically, there was criticism on several fronts that I had “gone soft” and “become a dance diva”. “You’re not supposed to be doing this type of shxt,” they said. That last came from a source that I trusted at the time; they may have lied about everything else, but on this they were spot on.

So, I “killed” her. I began again. I remember actually saying: “I’m gonna have to kill this bxtch” out loud. So I evolved--loudly. Or, more accurately: continued to evolve more loudly; the evolution was already happening before I realised it. The bomb was already becoming.
 You know where “transform and roll out” comes from.)

All I ever did was land on my feet
And the powers that be pointed that out to me
They said “Daughter go be ‘xactly who you meant to be
You are duality and adaptability
(This is referencing a dream/vision I had about Bast and Sekhmet. They were the ones who encouraged me to go full-on and reinvent myself. Also, cats land on their feet--more points to my resilience. Duality, meaning I’m both dark and light, sweet/tart, you get the idea. And adaptability speaks for itself.)

“Sun moon stars go and craft those bars
Break your chains show the world those scars
You earned them from a hard-won battle well-fought
Honour us honour you honour them with what you brought”
(Short version of O/our conversation in the vision. “Don’t be ashamed of all the scars you earned from your fight. Show them. Free yourself. Embrace yourself and all your flaws. By doing so, you honour Us, and in turn, yourself” and you, GNOtaku, by proxy, because it would be dishonourable to you for me to be phony. Kind of like that “freedom is power” speech in Catwoman, except for real.)

So I’m coming at you from my temple cell in the booth
Some nyan cuz it’s cute I nyan cuz it’s truth
You see me see me rock my nekomimi mimi while
Some do it for looks I do it cuz life and style
(I’m telling you this on record, in the recording booth, my room in my sanctuary; my habitat. Some say “nyan” [Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound a cat makes] because it’s cute/kawaii, but it’s a badge of honour for me as a cat grrrl [not that it’s not kawaii; it’s just not the main why]. I wear the ears/am a catgrrrl [nekomimi] while I do this because it’s part of who I am, not some fashion statement.)

T-h-a G-a-t-a … N-e-g-r-r-a
T-r-u-e O-r-i-g-i-n-a-l G-a-t-a
Whatcha say whatcha say…
T-h-a G-a-t-a… N-e-g-r-r-a
T-r-u-e O-r-i-g-i-n-a-l G-a-t-a

I am living breathing cognitive dissonance
(Weird, yes, I know. Cognitive dissonance is “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.” I said this because I am a lot of things that conflict with each other, and because people are always mixed in response to what I do [“hip-hop isn’t my thing but I like your music!”].)

Brix prowling straight sui generis
(“Sui generis” is “of his, her, its, or their own kind; unique”. “Brix prowling”--going around Newark...”Brick City”.)

Tragic beautiful abysmal princess
 (places I shopped, LOL)
DiosaAniManga serving cat grrrl realness
(“Anime/Manga Cat Goddyss”. Was actually labeled that by someone. “Serving catgrrrl realness”...showing you as much of my meowness as is allowed. “Serving realness” is a drag term. What can I say--I grew up around drag queens.)

This be the source my origin tale
Condensed to make sense on a much shorter scale
(Basically, what it sez: the short version of how I came to be who I am.)

I’m betting you expected me to go off the rails
Another one you’d love to call a grand epic fail
(My haters, going all the way back to kittenhood, always pray to their petty gods for me to fail, but I haven’t gone anywhere. They expected me to commit suicide, to not do my music, to fade away quietly. These are things that haven’t happened.)

My evolution wasn’t televised so
Folx think I’m that chyck from long time ago
(People who knew me in Past-Life think I am the same person I was then. I’m not. Very few of them had a front-row seat to me changing [“wasn’t televised”] so they are running off old information. Is a reference to Gil Scott-Heron’s “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised”.)
(I love how in the most recent "Black Panther" trailer they use that piece.)

Nine lives close scrapes unscathed bring hate
Reinvent new paint same core same strength
(It is said that cats have nine lives. Beginning to wonder if that’s true considering the fact that I should be dead a few times over. I’ve had some close calls, but got out mostly intact. Because of this, the haters hate me--I haven’t gone away, as I’ve already pointed out. I may have reinvented myself, but don’t worry--I am still the best parts of me, the parts you liked.)

I’m the original and the improvement
Brand upgrades with every thought every movement
(Self-explanatory. I’ve been called a trendsetter, there are people who have done “me” verbatim [but without realness] or followed my example, and because I continue to get better all the time, I am the improvement of myself. I’m constantly upgrading to a better me.)

You thought you knew but you had no idea
And I ain’t done it’s just the tip of the spear
(A nod to MTV’s “Diary” which usually ended its intros with “you think you know, but you have no idea”. Means that people only know what they’ve heard, but not my story until now. I’m not done, you haven’t seen anything yet--I said “spear” because “iceberg” doesn’t rhyme, LOL.)

T-h-a G-a-t-a … N-e-g-r-r-a
T-r-u-e O-r-i-g-i-n-a-l G-a-t-a
Whatcha say whatcha say…
T-h-a G-a-t-a… N-e-g-r-r-a
T-r-u-e O-r-i-g-i-n-a-l G-a-t-a
All day all day

That’s...pretty much it. If you read this far, arigato. I appreciate it. I hope it gave you a bit more insight into the lyrics, and in turn, who I am and what I was really saying.

Haven't Blogged in Awhile.

Apologies, minna-san.

I've really been busy, and I also haven't really had much to say. If you're with me so far, you know the following:

--I finished my second album
--I've been gigging steadily, and even headlined one gig
--I did end up playing Newark Pride after all (thank you, guys)
--We added another dancer to the ranks

Other than that, I've just been going along. It's been hard but it's been worth it, and I've nearly achieved this year's goals.

It's in that spirit that I'm going to share a Facebook post I did, because I'm sure there's other indie acts who are feeling the same way I am.

I am not bitter this time, I promise. I'm just making a declaration to and a request of the Universe.

Declaration to the Universe:
I know You are rewarding me for taking risks.
I also know You are testing me, as well, to see if I still want this.
If it isn't obvious enough to You by now that I CAN and AM doing this because I want to, I don't know what more I can show or tell You.

I humbly submit the following:

I've gigged with a 101 degree fever and the bloody flu.
I've gigged in a literal hurricane (Irene, to be specific. FACTS).
I've gigged with no sound equipment.
I've gigged with no audience.
I've gigged for no pay.
I've gigged at walks, marathons, and animal benefits in the cold.
I've gigged at places where they absolutely hated me...and gained respect and fans anyway.
I've gigged with damned near no voice. 
I've gigged totally depressed, like "fxck EVERYONE" depressed.
I've gigged when a loved one has died.
I've been humiliated, scorned, and harassed.
I've even endured threats of bodily harm.
I've sacrificed things I shouldn't have had to for this.
I've taken more hits than I can count.
I've lost friends and family because I believe in what I do.

There is not a day spent where I'm not scouring for things to further my brand. No day where I haven't suggested to my reps what cons were going on and worked with them to think and go bigger.
There is no day where I'm not setting goals for myself.
There is no day where I'm not scratching and climbing.
There is no day that I'm not fighting for distinction in the wake of shapeshifting imihaters, and still forcing my head high.
And there is no day that I am not proud to do what I do.

These are facts.

I may not have full-on cosplays from scratch, I may not "look the part", I may not fit anywhere but with a small niche of geeks. There are people who may not get me, or care what I have to offer for one reason or another. But, Universe, I have not stopped.

I've been moving forward, even with those who would see me fail throwing all sorts of things in my path. Even with those who mean well inadvertently throwing things in my path because it's not as important to them as it is to me.

Does that not tell You, then, that I want this?

When it comes time for the grades, please mark me with "pass", and mark me present for every day whilst You're at it.
I'm ready.
Lemme graduate.

Been Way Too Long...

Yes, I know.
Haven't really had much to say, I'm afraid...not sure I have much to say now, LOL. Most of my venting I get out on other social media, so I may be spent.

My time as of late has been spent recharging, fighting the system, taking care of my clowder, and recording my album. Since my last post (back in November?! Daaaayum), I think my extended family has had to bury more members, I've had an anniversary, I've gained another immediate member for the clowder, and I've managed to get several bookings at several anime- or manga- or comic-related events (or, to be more accurate, my management has). Much of this has been blocked by the proverbial "haters" (not to mention the really weird subtle stalking and outright harassment), who can partake in a vessel of phallic objects. I even hear tell they'd like to continue the Confusion Campaign by attempting to infiltrate the circuit in my immediate area. Why they want to do that when they have perfectly good opportunities in their area is beyond me, but who knows what goes on in the apparently miserable realm of Off-The-Map. "Here there be monsters," indeed.

Just look at them all.

Anyhoo.

It's been really good to work with my brother, PoppaRazi, again. I think he and I have a good rapport once we figure out WTF we're doing, and fall into a groove. Oddly enough, the years he spent in GA, he didn't create much, and neither did I, but once we were back in each other's spaces, we did a lot better. It took me a minute to get going, and I ended up doing a lot of writing before I had to record--sometimes on the same day. Along the way, I was told I helped some people to get inspired again, to love what they do as far as being recording artists and finding their muses again. If that's all I've accomplished with making this bloody album, that's actually satisfactory.

Ohhh...yessss.

One thing I've discovered whilst getting ready to record and doing some shows along the way, is that some people still aren't ready to accept me. Hasn't stopped me yet, but it can be disheartening at times; I'm human. I take the advice of people who are close enough to me to care but not sycophantic and can be honest. They seem to think that it's just the people who are used to things being a certain way that are the problem. That's mainly why I chose anime/manga/comic events, because nekomimi don't even get a side eye there. Unfortunately, in some of these cases, the fact that I'm not full-on Japanese seems to be an issue. Another issue is that people hear "hip-hop" and immediately think the worst. And I suspect that my perceived sexuality was an issue at at least one LGBTQ event, and that might have carried over into my chances for the one coming up. You would think that my sexuality would be the last thing an LGBTQ event would be concerned about, but I'm guessing it's based on the perception I gave, having had been pregnant at the time. (Still bi when I'm pregnant and with a man, guys! Ya shoulda asked!)

I mean, really.

It don't matter. Nah worry we.

Other people around us are finding that gaining access to stuff in the Brick City area is like some Ark-of-the-Covenant guarded secret--it's not just me who feels this way. So, the solution is simple: kick down more doors. Either way, we're getting our messages out there and having fun at the same time. Not gonna do any of us any good to kvetch about it--we have to be proactive. Pave our own paths. That's what innovators do. If we fail, we just do it again, after finding out what didn't work the first time.

You fall...you recover, you get back up, you keep going. Nurse your injuries if you have to, but srsly--get. Up.

Like she's about to do. Just without an Agent chasing you.

Zodiacal Reassurances! I Just Felt like Making This…

I have a lot of fun reading these memes that get around about traits of the zodiac. Some of the ones I find for mine are accurate; I find some satisfaction in going “YES! That is SO ME!!” for some reason. Anyhow, I tend to also find that some of the traits can be a bit harsh; each sign has its “higher” and “lower” traits. I don’t know about yawl, but I hate being put in the “harsh critic” box all the time, and I know for damned certain I am NOT a neat freak. I wish I was sometimes (LOL), but it is what it is. Maybe it’s because I’m born so close to Leo, I dunno. 

But there are some standout “lower” traits that certain signs are famous for, and they may also cause rifts with friends sometimes.

At any rate, I got a sudden brainwave and decided I would create a list and perhaps a meme of my own to reassure people who might strongly exhibit the famous traits so much that they are a part of them, if that makes any sense.

Ready? Here goes nada:

Aries: You DO know you don’t have to be right ALL THE DAMNED TIME, right? It’s okay to be wrong. Nobody is going to flog you for being wrong. You will not be less of a person for being wrong. Go ahead and explore the possibility that --yes—you are wrong. And if you are entrenched in “I’M RIGHT, GAHDAMMIT!” it is also okay to open your mind and see another’s POV. Try it sometime. You might be surprised.

Taurus: It’s okay to yield to other opinions! It’s also okay to feel other feelings, and go against your own programming! Being stubborn and difficult for the sake of it isn’t going to help you to grow, Ferdinand. Stop it.

Gemini: It’s okay to stick to one decision or thing. It’s also okay to simplify things and not make them more complicated than they need to be. It’s okay to not know everything. And you don’t need to manipulate someone into doing something. Try ASKING THEM.

Cancer: It’s perfectly fine to come out of your shell once in awhile. Not everything outside your bubble is going to hurt you. One failure doesn’t mean you have to drop the whole thang, just try again. And on a side note: moodiness is okay. Just learn to be mindful of them, and flow like the water sign you are.

Leo: Hey. Telenovela star. It’s okay to not have drama in your life. It’s great to be alone with your own thoughts. It’s also okay to feel shame and humility. On that note, it doesn’t have to always be about you. Let someone else have the spotlight/take the lead for a change, and have a break.

Virgo: Oh, for heaven’s sake…you don’t need to have everything perpetually perfect! It’s fine to let the bathroom mirror be spotty, your hair to be a bit mussed, your curtains to have a wrinkle or fifteen. If you screw up, it’s fine! Just learn from it and remember not to do it next time. The world isn’t going to end. And stop being so damned hard on yourself.

Libra: I’m not sure if anyone said this to you, but you don’t have to manipulate people into doing what you want either, and you don’t have to embellish the truth or downplay bad stuff to be accepted—or if you want to actually have friends. It’s also perfectly fine, Scales, to weigh a decision, but you need to commit to it once you make one. And for corn’s sake, COMMIT TO MAKING ONE. You can only pro-and-con shxt but so much. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong… that’s how life is. And guess what? It’s also okay to commit. Stand up, dammit.

Scorpio: It’s okay to trust SOMEBODY, Bruce Wayne. I know you like your secrets, but it’s not so bad to let someone in that you trust and share a few with them. It’s okay to feel your jelly, just don’t spread it, lest you contaminate your relationships with it. And please… allow yourself to breathe a little easier and knock that resentful chip off your shoulder. Stop brooding in your Batcave. Talk to whomever it is that did you wrong…don’t just throw shade at them forever. Don’t you use those eyes on me. It won’t work.

Sagittarius: Stop. Fronting. Stop hiding behind that cocky veneer. It is okay for the world to see who you really are. You pride yourself on realness, but I bet nobody knows that real Archer. It’s also okay to be tactful. Tact does not equal sugarcoating; it equals politeness and not getting cut off due to your careless comments. Ease up. Think before you speak, man.

Capricorn: It’s okay. I mean, there’s more to that, but I feel I need to say simply: “It’s okay.” Why? Because it is…or it will be. The glass has something in it—it’s not half-empty. And it’s okay to not worry about the bills 24-7, Scrooge McDuck. They will get paid when you pay them. It’s okay to get out of your own way and just not look down on the rest of the world. Nobody’s perfect.

Aquarius: You know…you don’t always have to be contrary for the sake of being contrary. It’s okay to go along with something for once. It’s also a good thing to tone down the aloofness and mysterious airs with those who love you, because…they love you. It’s also okay to show these people you love them back. We know you have feelings. You ain’t fooling nobody.

Pisces: We love your sensitivity. We really do. Just know that it’s okay to not take every act of criticism as a deeply personal attack. Also, it’s okay to follow through on stuff you started—even revisit old stuff you started but never finished and DO THAT SHXT. And, it would do the world a great favour if you just chill out with that temperamental streak, Mr. Banner. Put the green guy away.