The Past Few Months; Realisations, A Decision

Yeh, I know. Where you been, bxtch? I'm tardy. Apologies, GNOtaku. I really do GAF about you guys...I didn't forget you!

It has been a REALLY difficult past few months. I kinda fell into a depression. And there are a myriad of reasons for that.

For starters, my mami's sister, my Aunt Caroline, had been ailing for months, and I wasn't aware of the seriousness of it. Because of the stigma attached to me due to stuff that went on in my past-life (pre-rebirth), I had kept a bit of arm's length between me and most of my immediate families on both maternal and paternal sides. I had talked to my aunt at intervals--she would call me or I would call her on our birthday, August 24th, and shoot the shxt. Or she'd call just for no apparent reason. Which was okay. I just couldn't be sure...well, let's us just say I couldn't be sure what condition she'd be in when we talked.

She'd been diagnosed with cancer before, and had had surgery, and they got it, as far as I knew. But more recently, she'd fallen ill with some sort of bug that made it impossible for her to eat for at least a month. She was admitted to hospital. At some point she was in a coma and had stopped breathing. A surgeon was called in, but she refused to operate, because nothing could be done. From what I understand, the pictures of my aunt's stomach were a mess. She had a lot of internal bleeding. At one point, she did actually wake up (I'm sorry; I'm all over the place), and was talking, and basically freaked everyone out because a few days prior, she'd been intubated and wasn't allowed to talk. She was very weak and doing poorly. When she woke up and started talking and eating, we thought she was on the mend. But that didn't happen...

Soon after, she passed away. I was in the room when it happened. My cousins and my mami say she'd already gone, but...that just isn't true. She was still there. I could feel her...and then she was gone.

The funeral planning was a special kind of chaos, but I'm not going to go into that. I will say this, though: GET A FXCKING ADVANCE DIRECTIVE. Like, RIGHT NOW.

So, that was one thing. At the same time my aunt was in hospital, my father was also admitted to hospital. He'd fallen ill, couldn't keep anything down, got really dehydrated. He ended up staying, and it turned out he had a blood clot. Which wasn't good because my dad had a stroke back in 2007 and spent time in rehab due to it. (Just remembered: the same thing happened to my aunt around the same time. UGH.) I was genuinely worried and sooo very frightened. My baby brother flew home from GA to be here. And fortunately, he recovered. He's back home and doing great. In fact, the day he was released, we ended up recording that night, LOL.

My dad is pretty hardy. I'm so grateful he recovered because that could have been so much worse...

What else? Let's see...

So, the weekend we worked on the rough of a song that ended up being called "Thirsty", I went over to Darkroom to re-record some vocals. My eldest brother happened to be there with my dad's sister: my Aunt Joanie, and my grandmother. (She's pretty hardy herself, BTW. At 96, she's still getting around and everything.) When I got there, they were getting ready to leave. I knew I had to brace myself for being called the past-life name. I was ready for that, but not ready for what followed. This was my Facebook status about it:

"My 96-yrs old grandmother totally got me.
'You look good,' she said. 
'Thank you, Grandma,' I said.
"She reaches out and touches my waist. 'Maybe you'll lose some of this,' she sez. 
"In. Front. Of. EVERYBODY! My dad, two brothers, aunt, and stepmom.
"I'm all ::urk::
" 'Someday,' was all I could manage.
” 'Someday,' she repeats.
"Mor. Ti. Fied.
My stepmom, bless her, takes the spotlight off me by going, 'Join the group.'
::goes to apply cold water to burned area and then to a corner to die::"

OMGGGGGGGG what a fxcking nightmare. I love my grandmother but she totally set me up! Complemented me and then shot me right the hell down, LOL. But Sag people tend to say things like that: "Y'know, you look good in vertical stripes. They totally make your thighs look smaller." They call it Foot-In-Mouth Disorder. ::shakes head::

Anyways, this came in a month of people critcising me about my weight, saying stuff like, "Why make it harder on yourself" by having all this weight, and the like. Like I could just one day get up and suddenly go, "Extra poundage, begone! Poof! Ta-daaaaaah!"  All of it was somewhat hurtful.
Okay, all of it was VERY hurtful. It came behind me posting a Throwback Thursday picture of myself when I was 150--which people still considered obese.

It led me to a realisation that, no matter WTF I do, I am still going to be considered obese/fat/chubby to someone. Radical acceptance!

I have a lot of issues there. Growing up, I was called ”cow”, ”pig”, ”chubby”, ”pregnant”, ”side of beef”, ”slab of bacon”...you get the idea. I was always told to hold my stomach in, tuck my butt under. I would sit on chairs with my legs raised to make them look less big because I always got teased about my thighs by my family and classmates. Eventually--and unconsciously-- I developed an eating disorder. Then, I was criticised--and by some of the same family members--for being too skinny. It was like, "MAKE UP YOUR FXCKING MIND!"

Yet, I have always struggled with it. At every weight I have been, someone was always calling me fat. My weight has been up and down, for one reason or another. Medication, lack of activity; ephedra, inability to eat, more activity. I can't even count calories because it brings up all that shxt from before, and I might think, "Oh, it would be so much easier to start back on the ipecac syrup", but that is not what I want. I am at a weight right now that I do not like, and I'm trying to do something about it, but it seems to never be enough for my critics.

They don't realise that all their comments--however well-meaning they may be--do nothing but set me back and impede my progress. It negates all the work I've done on myself in my head. Why that is, I'm not sure. I just know that certain things get stuck in my head and they don't fuel me to do something--the fat-shaming and the naysaying-- they have the opposite effect: they just shut me down. That kind of stuff never worked with me. I guess that's one thing from the past-life I have carried over that I still need to work on. And I am.

I've been debating vlogging about what I'm about to say next. I believe in being transparent with you guys. I mean, not everything is always good at Tha Cat Lair. I tend to Facebook-status my venting about what's wrong more than blog or tweet on it.

A couple of years ago, 3 Miles and I got into an agreement with a distribution label and LSS, signed away the rights to GATA City for two years. Big. Mistake. I wish we had never done it, I wish I had listened to my intuition, and I wish I didn't sign the contract during Mercury Retrograde. Basically, we signed a contract to keep doing what we'd ALREADY been attempting to do on our own, except someone else owns the rights and/or makes money from it. Imagine having to ask for permission to post your own fxcking music! Imagine copyright claims being thrown at you from every platform your music was already posted on before you even signed the agreement! Uber frustrating. I cannot promote myself properly if I am being restricted. Can't enter comps or anything like that because, since I am signed to two small labels, essentially, it is usually against the rules. The label is suffering financial setbacks due to us being swindled not once, but several times by different people we thought we could trust, and due to that we couldn't promote effectively or frequently. It is a clusterfxck of immense proportions. And meanwhile, we still have this unnecessary contract hanging over us. I still have the masters, but I am powerless for now.

Between this, and learning that my brother's laptop had been stolen, and along with it, the instrumental and raw tracks for GATA City (which were on an external drive) it seemed like the writing was on the wall. I made the decision to just back off for now with promoting that project until the agreement expires. I think I have an idea of how Prince must have felt. I'm not changing my name to no symbol, though.

We don't have much longer in the contract, but the project just seems to have taken on a weight of its own; it seems like my boulder I have to push uphill just to have it tumble down again. It's disheartening.

Also, in the process of all this turbulence, it hit me one day that I am Chief Operating Officer of 3 Miles Entertainment, and have been for the last two years. I didn't realise it even when my father (who is CEO) validated me for a decision I made regarding yet another struggle with the other label. "You did the right thing as an executive for 3 Miles Entertainment," he'd said. It took an article I was reading at the time to bring me to that realisation. I think that if I had done sooner, I would have made a different decision, put my foot down a little harder, and we wouldn't be in this mess.

So, the only time I will be doing anything with GATA City is the occasional performance. Which, at this time, doesn't seem likely as I am currently searching for someone to replace 3D, and I need to get into fighting shape again. (As I said, I've been in a depression. Which, incidentally, is also something I've struggled with for years.)

For the most part, GATA City is to me like an estranged child that I am not allowed to see very often. It hurts that I am so limited, but I have to push the hurt aside and start fresh, move on until we can be together again properly.

So, yeh...it's been hard. I am currently bent on making something new and doing more of it my way. I am having to come from another place with my projects. I think the universe is telling me to back up and regroup. I have to start over...

I think I'll be fine. We'll be fine. Once everything is sorted, and we get more people who GAF about our vision in our corner instead of using us as stepping stones to further their careers, we'll be golden and our run will be salvaged.

Long Time, No Post; Recent Happenings; Goodbye, Mrs. K

Yeh, yeh-- I know. Let's roll the effing dice, shall we?
So... I was recently asked to be in a commercial for Majesty Loft, which has since moved from Newark, NJ to Montclair, NJ (sigh). But the space is gorgeous, and much larger than the original location. They also call it  Majesty Ballroom. The director did sort of a pan shot to show all of the things that could be done at the Loft. It was fun to do. The funniest part about the shoot is that the person who was cast as the groom didn't show up, and Peace ended up filling in for him! He wasn't even supposed to be there, LOL.
The director and I have been discussing making another video, so I'll keep you posted about that.
I'm working on more bookings this year. I've been networking and making some great contacts, one of which is a really cule dude going by the name of Mecca Godzilla (now watch as the confusion campaign begins...but he knows already, LOL). This guy has seen some stuff, lemme tell ya. I am hoping to work with him on some trax in the future.
I've been struck with writer's block... I've been writing in dribs and drabs, but they're bomb, the lines I've been jotting down.
We took a break over the holiday as far as rehearsing goes, but that should begin again soon. We have some shxt to do, LOL...no more slacking off!
I'm still under both 3 Miles and BrainMuscle, that hasn't changed.
I'm putting the finishing touches on the redesign of my website. It needed another overhaul. I wanted it to reflect more of my music, give it some direction and focus.
I got some bad news about one of my music teachers from Arts High, who had to be the sweetest woman...she was suddenly diagnosed with cancer around October, and lost the fight a few weeks ago. I was devastated. Her name was Linda Lanier-Keosaian. We never had any deep conversations or anything, but she encouraged me, cared about me. I daresay she loved every single one of her students. She taught me to love madrigals, and love singing them. She taught me that even the smallest voice has impact. She tried to show us all that we mattered, that we were important. And if the posts from classes that came behind me in school were any indication, she hadn't changed a bit in the years after I'd graduated.
We have lost a very fine person, and the world is poorer for it.
We love you, Mrs. K.
I love you.
Thank you for everything.

GATA City Street Date

So, finally, GATA City is gonna be released on November 6th, 2012, worldwide, on iTunes and stuff like that. I'm excited. I can't wait!

Filmed a Video; Show Juggling; Upcoming Birthday

Well, we FINALLY did the video, and I must say, everything up until that day was so fxcking stressful. I could not believe our bad fortune. But, here at Tha Cat Lair, one thing we do and do well is make a dollar out of fifteen cents. So, we took what we had and made the best of it. I'm not expecting my exact vision, but some semblance of it. Money is a powerful tool...I probably would have had exactly what I wanted if I had a decent budget.
In spite of that, we got to meet some really awesome people, folx I hope to work with again. The director was sort of a geek, like we are, so he knew what I was going for...I trust that he will make it look fun and lighthearted like I wanted it to. I would like to do another version that's all dance, but it's hard to get people together for that.

Above are some of those great people I was talking about. We filmed it it two parts; one for the intro and one for the big shoot. Here's me below lounging and dancing and stuff like that there:

3 Miles was super supportive of the shoot and I was soooooooo grateful for that!

I have two shows in one day, within an hour and some change of each other. I'm nervous, because one is pretty big, and the promoter's rep is on the line (he fought for me and one other artist, AAEHH's Orikl), so I CANNOT SUCK.  I'm trying to not take the fact that they misspelled my name on the site as a bad sign, LOL...MercRetro just hasn't been letting go, has it? Go away! You're supposed to be turning direct!!

 The other is less formal and more of a block party, so it should be fun. Last year, the block party was NOT trying to cancel in spite of the fact that Hurricane Irene was bearing down on us. So, that was pretty interesting!

And yes...my freakin' birthday is coming up...AGAIN.....I'm hoping for sushi and dancing and debauchery. Pirate stuff. I'm sure something interesting might happen this year. It can't be boring every year!

Also....I got some messages I really needed to hear...I will heed and keep moving forward...and continue to give two middle fingers to the haters.

Meow-ho-ho!

A Breakdown of GATA City...

This is how this came to be.

I spend some of my time on hip-hop forums reading the intelligent topics and the answers that the users post. My faves are the ones that ask about lyrical quality and content, metaphors, multisyllabic writing, double-entendres...you know, the fun stuff. I also like the ones that talk about how hip-hop degenerated into "party rap" and then back and forth again. You can usually tell exactly when people who say things like that were born...uhm, guys? Newsflash: RAP BEGAN AS PARTY MUSIC. It was BORN from parties. DUH. And while we're on "rap", Hip-hop ain't rap. Hip-hop is a culture. Rap is one of its mediums/elements. So yawl's distinction of "real hip-hop" from "rap" is a moot point. Quit getting it goddamn twisted. Plzkthanx.

Anyway, I like the topics about the meaning, or an explanation of the songs, and I said, "Hey, didn't I do that with 'Paperdollz'?"  So, in the spirit of that post, for shxts and giggles I'm gonna break down my cd, track by track.

Truth be told, the cd was based mainly around four existing tracks: "I Feel You", "Come Show Me", "Anything" (which was actually called something else that I just decided to revamp) and "I Like". It all started with a house/dance music project I was doing with my family.. Now these four songs sounded NOTHING like they do on the CD...you'd prolly crack up if you heard them. My father came to me with "I Like" first. Said he wanted a sort of spoken word thing, so I gave it a shot. He had the hook and that "you got me in a spin/I need some oxygen" bit already, and the bit round the next hook as well, sung by a singer I never met. Everything else was me, lyrically. We recorded, and went to work on the other stuff, which also had singing hooks that my father wrote. But, as I told Aki in the interview on my site, the more the Hip-Hop Monsta began leaking, the less interested folx were in the project. I guess I was ahead of my time.

Eventually, someone else who was interested in the songs asked me to re-do all of them, just this time, meows truly had to sing EVERYTHING. Ugh...even though that was my major at Arts High School, we were never really taught how to sing properly and develop our INDIVIDUAL voices. I am a vocal mimic on certain songs, I bend and sing in that style, unless it's a song from my childhood, then I prolly sing it like "me', whatever the hell THAT is, LOL. I will be the very first to tell you, singing is not my strong suit...I have a light, airy kinda voice...no belt whatsoever. Plus I get nerves in front of a mic, so it's a mess sometimes, and it takes forever to get it sorted, LOL.
 God/dess help me; I AGREED TO SING THE FREAKIN' SONGS. Every last bit--the lead, the harm, everything. ::facepalm:: ::headdesk::
We revamped those tracks so many fxcking times it wasn't funny. My brother would come up with new and better mixes for the songs. The guy who was interested basically turned out to be fulla crap, and so I had songs just sitting around doing nada.

On the strength of three of those four tracks, I snagged an opportunity to perform in Japan, but couldn't raise funds in time. So, the label (which had been formed during all this and had already produced one artist) decided to fund my project instead.
And then the fun really began.
So, if you've read this far, here's the rundown on the tracks...

Felinus Scorchius
Wow. Uhm, this was my brother's sudden burst of crazy. He was looking for a Steve Irwin-esque type deal, except my Aussie accent sux nards. So I went with one I was a little better at. We laughed our asses off with this one.

Felinephunk
This, actually, is an older song. The first version sounded kinda dancehall-ish. We decided to make it angry this time, LOL. It's basically just a fun song, and I pulled out my big words and crazy syllables for that one. To be honest, that's my general writing style. I just didn't get to flex it that much on this project.

Like I Do (You Should Dance With Me)
Now this...during the recording of the songs I mentioned at the top of this post, they wanted them to be dance-heavy, because that's what they were trying to push. I remember saying to my brother at some point:  "Hell, if we're gonna do this dance thing, let's do the dance thing--but MY way. Gimme Janet, gimme Madonna--gimme something fun and funky."
Why the HELL did I say that? LOL
So, hermanito--genius that he is--goes to craft the perfect dance-y, bouncy, top 40 track, because he wanted an instant hit (he was seriously money-minded at the time, LOL). He plays it for me, and it's so...cute I had to write cutesy lyrics. I was reminded of Japan like crazy w/this, and that appealed to my moe nekogrrl. It's a lighthearted kinda thing, and those words in the hook was what I heard in my head when I was writing. Not very edgy, but not very syrupy either, cuz that's how I am. And anyone can relate to The Chase. So, there you are.

Come Show Me
This was one of the "dance project" songs. Hook by Papi; I wrote around it. What's it about? What else?...dancing. Trying to get a wallflower to dance cuz I know he really can--cut that shy shxt out and get on the floor, mane!

I Feel You
Another from the "dance project". Same formula. I sort of flipped it and made it an ode to the DJ, instead of making it about another dancing gooey. I was serious hard crushing on him, and his music was what drove that along....how he showed me how he felt. Symbiotic thing, if you will. And I was constantly told, "Put on the happy and sexy!" ::eyeroll::

Transmission From Tha Cat Lair
Title partially inspired from one of my influences, De La Soul. Also called that because it's a message. We wanted to give the feeling of I had been recording when PoppaRazi calls and asks me to come out and play. I actually asked him to give me the BPM sort of like "Bed Intruder", which was hawt at the time, and we were still CTFU on it. Plus, I wanted to smack the listener upside the head with something harder than what they'd heard so far, and I do my typical writing for it. (Full version here.) There's a few side jokes in the phone call. This also played into the nature of the next track...

GATA City: KuroNeko Chaos
Was thinking of Grand Theft Auto for some reason when I came up w/that title. Don't ask. Anyway, when presented with the track, hermanito had nicknamed it the "Catwoman" track because of the cello. He was like, "I can just see you like Catwoman in Gotham City--no, wait-- GATA City." I laughed, and it became the theme. Naming the CD came out of the graphic designer mistakenly thinking this was the title of the whole album...it just stuck. Why the Japanese? I'm manga, anime...that's been my whole angle since God-knows when. It was natural. I flex my lyrical in this one, too.

I Like
Refugee from the "dance project", as I explained above. I can remember my father saying he wanted me to sound "grimysophisticated". So I did the best I could....

Really?!
We thought it would be funny to set the stage for "Paperdollz"  by illustrating the relationship the song is about. Talk. About. Awkward. Obviously, my brother's not my boyfriend (ew) but we had to get the shxt done! I'm just glad I found a sample of moaning, cuz I sure as hell wasn't gonna go in the booth and stand there and moan in front of my brother like he initially suggested! When it was done, we couldn't stop giggling.

Paperdollz
What more can I tell you than what I said here? Besides the fact that I tried to keep it simple... and failed, ha. Not totally, though.

Juliet Is Bleeding
The first version of this was fulla dark strings and 808 and snare, and stuff. So we revamped. There is someone out there who prolly thinx this song is about them (don't you...? Don't you? LOL) but it's not. It's actually not about anyone in particular; in fact, when it was written, I was actually in a relationship. I kind of just drew on how it felt to have your heart broken, and on my fave Shakespearean tragedy. So, okay-- maybe with this one I WAS trying to write Shakespeare, as I often say I'm not. :oP

Anything
This actually was part of the initial "dance project" too, except it was called something else and sounded completely different. It was the last to be done, and I admit I had no ideas...except to write a singing hook due to how the track sounded (suicidal! LOL). Hermanito was going for something ballad-y. What I heard in my head is what I wrote for the chorus. This was also lyrically simple because it was the words to the dance song. It didn't leave a whole lot of room for fancy verbal acrobatics.
Later, I realised the track sorta reminded me (and our father) of Prince. So funny when my brother heard the song I thought it sounded like...

I Like (Youhei remix)
A very nice young man from Tokyo approached me online and asked if he could remix. We liked the jazziness so we decided to include it.

There it is. GATA City in a nutshell. Now you know why it sounds the way it does. Despite reviews that have said I'm "going for mainstream" or whatever, I really wasn't trying to. Everyone hopes they'll have a hit, but I wasn't trying to write for the masses, as it were. And as far as my writing, yes, some of the tracks are simple. But "Felinephunk" and "GATA City: KNC" should give you a better picture into what I'm REALLY capable of.

Random Weekly Pic....8-3-11

GATA, in rehearsal. We got sidetracked for awhile, but this is something we have to do a lot of if we wanna look good for you. I love dancing...

Review Of GATA City/Interview by Praxilla

ThaGataNegrra- GATA City
Label: 3 Miles Entertainment
Release: 8-24-2011
Review Author: Praxilla

In the present tense, it would seem as if a heroine can seldom be found within the realms of Pop music. By Pop music, I am talking about music that is dominated by a sensual female voice and the contemporary beats accompanying …not simply music which has dominated the airwaves because of its popularity on the mainstream circuit. At least in comparison with its reincarnations in past decades and the female performers who helped to shape the genre then, the new wave of female-fronted pop music has descended from a status of undeniably venerable to almost passable. Nowadays, a great majority of pop music is an indecipherable heap of uninspired radio-friendly tunes and watered down experiences, which emphasizes the baser sides of femininity; favoring materialism dressed up as strength, confidence, and self-dependence.

In the recent past, however, the genre has seen classic songs such as TLC’s “Unpretty”, which digressed feelings of self acceptance of inner beauty, and their equally praiseworthy “No Scrubs”, which emphasized the female empowerment of not letting any man, especially one that is disrespectful and without aspiration, into one’s life. Pop music has also seen the likes of Jennifer Lopez, who boasted favoring honesty and truth in a relationship in songs such as “If You Had My Love”. Pink’s “Most Girls”, a first-person narrative of wanting “real love” as opposed to the superficial qualities of desiring a cash cow, also breathed new life into the lungs of a genre which, more often than not, reverts back to its original form as an industry which is more body- than substance-conscious.

In the wake of a genre that is seemingly dead, except, perhaps, for the few positive veterans of the scene, there is a new solo artist emerging from the Underground.

At first glance, ThaGataNegrra-- or “The Black Cat”-- is a visual anomaly of epic, eye candy proportions. With an album cover featuring a songstress donning purple and pink synthetic loc extensions, a leopard print top, and plaid shorts, Gata Negrra is every bit as cartoonish as an anime character, and yet still manages an intimidating and serious aura that ushers “street cred”, even behind faux cat ears. The reason for the myriad use of cats is simple: they are both her totem animal and stage persona.

On GATA City, the debut album from ThaGataNegrra, dance is used as a synonym of both love and lust: with lyrics inspired by a current relationship, Gata does well to avoid gratuitous oversexualization on songs such as “I Feel You”, with its infectious blend of disco meets New Wave meets Freestyle vibe.

But the Black Cat has a lot more than the metaphorical dance floor anthem to offer up on the album. “Paperdollz” is a personal track dedicated to not changing one’s self to meet the status quo of what men desire or expect.

In an interview, ThaGataNegrra said that though she will be focusing on more personal experiences in the future, a large part of the music-making process is about having fun. But if there were one mission statement she had, one truth she was setting out to prove, it is that “Hip-hop doesn’t have to fit into a stereotypical mold…[It] doesn’t have to be gimmicky, or negative, or materialistic. It’s not about what you have or want the world to think you have…but about being you. And if someone can identify with that, that’s awesome. Whilst dancing, even more so.”

The New Jersey native said that her inspirations range from Prince, Janet Jackson, No Doubt, A Tribe Called Quest, Run DMC, The Ting Tings, the Native Tongues (an alternative movement in Golden Era hip-hop), Gorillaz, and Eminem.

Other than being her totem animal and stage persona, ThaGataNegrra also has an affinity with the feline because their personalities are similar. Like a cat, she says she always lands on her feet. “Sometimes, I feel like: ‘Don’t corner me.’ And sometimes I feel shy and run for cover. But other [times], I'm growling my truth”.

Other performers on GATA City: Angel Vivaldi, PoppaRazi

www.thagatanegrra.net
www.thagatanegrra.bandcamp.com
www.facebook.com/thagatanegrra
www.twitter.com/thagatanegrra

Praxilla is a writer for the Offering, a Metal magazine offering exposure to underground/underrepresented bands of the music scene.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1261509068

GATA City Available For Preorders!

Yeh, you 'eard right-- GATA City is now available for preorders on Bandcamp! The digital version includes a little something extra, and there's also an option to order a physical CD, should you want one. I'll be offering a package later that includes an exclusive t-shirt that you'll only be able to get thru a Bandcamp purchase!
Pre-order your copy here. Full release is 8-24-11!