It Me...

Hey...

So, long time no hear from...

I apologise. So much stuff in my personal life has been going on. You wouldn't believe it.

Anyway, I'm gonna --again-- try to keep up with this freaking blog.

For the next few posts I'm gonna repost some of my Facebook statuses that probably shooouuuld have been blog posts, LOL. I tend to get into these stages of thought where I'll just say something that was lingering there. They might make brief blog posts, though.

Get me and you back in each other's spaces...if you want.

I did miss you.

Come closer.

30-Day Music Challenge: Day Five

Back at it again. This seems to be going pretty swimmingly...

Today's prompt is "a song that needs to be played loud".

Well, shxt--that's like my entire iPod, LOL...but I'll choose one that I tend to turn up every time I hear it.






Talking Heads-- "Pulled Up".

I heard this on Pandora one day and I was hooked, so I downloaded it. It had to be the live version, too. The energy is so frenetic.

On Being "Tawdry" and "Offputting"...

I got a review once from The Daily Vault that resulted in an A- (not too shabby). To this day, I think the reviewer was the only one who really got me musically, and I was SO happy and relieved about that, even though my brother wasn't as appreciative of what was said about the production of GATA City. (TBH, I don't think it sounded as "homegrown" as we were told in the article.) I think this will be remedied in future projects; but we've heard quite a few favourable comments from others (including, but not limited to people in radio) about the production, so I just chalk it up to "this shxt ain't for everybody". I mean, considering what passes for "the sound" nowadays... if this is what is considered "chique", then, I'll stay sounding "homespun", thank you very much, LOL.

The review also said this:

An integral part of [Tha]Gata Negrra’s image is her weirdness, which can seem a bit tawdry and offputting. Her music, however, is anything but. Gata Negrra might like to be... an anime character that wears gaudy clothes and makeup, but GATA City is an ordinary mainstream pop album – an enjoyable and a great mainstream pop album.
Huh. Okay.
I'm guessing the reviewer has never been to Japan. Or watched an anime. I could be wrong.
At the time, I wasn't quite offended; I've been getting that "OMG whatthehellisthat" reaction all my life, so it isn't new to me. I did bristle a bit at "tawdry" and "gaudy", which are usually pretty negative words:

taw·dry- adjective \ˈtȯ-drē, ˈtä-\ : cheap and gaudy in appearance or quality; also : ignoble <a tawdry attempt to smear his opponent> noun: cheap showy finery


gau·dy-  adjective \ˈgȯ-dē, ˈgä-\
1: ostentatiously or tastelessly ornamented
2: marked by extravagance or sometimes tasteless showiness : outlandish <gaudy lies> <gaudy claims>;
also :exceptional <a gaudy batting average>
Note that "gaudy" is actually used as a synonym for "tawdry".
Those words are just more shorthand for "We don't get it". Or, "We can't wrap our eyes around it. It's too much."
Okay. I'll buy that for a dollar. Like I said: it's nada new.
I was talking with someone I know who works for a prominent indie label and, in general, likes my look/brand, and he likened me to a fire hose...in that, when the audience comes to drink, instead of giving them a water fountain trickle, I visually give them a faceful of high-jet water. I thought it was funny, actually. And not por nada: it's kind of the point.
The odd bit is that this guy, who I respect and admire immensely and love him to death, actually suggested that I strip down--like a LOT--and give you guys the full-jet later (and yet, he loves and promotes people like Kerli, Lady Gaga, and Nicki Minaj and Madonna). I didn't immediately object--I mean, this guy is who he is for a reason-- but it would be, I dunno, untrue to me. I don't like giving people the untruth. I want to give you the full truth. I don't mean truth as in shedding all of the clothes and barrettes and adornments. Those are just amplification. I mean, if everyone wanted truth, we'd all be running around naked, no?
I mean full truth as in giving you the whole ThaGataNegrra experience. And that is what people come to see me for. You didn't come to see me sans synthlox extensions, sans clothes, sans the..."explosive" version of me. You didn't come to see me be "normal". You weren't attracted to me because I'm freaking "normal".

You came because you saw me flying my freak flag, didn't you?

You came because you saw that it isn't some chyck making play she's so unusual (yes, that is indeed an intentional Cyndi Lauper reference) like some artists you might see out there...you saw that it is coming from a place where genuine "weirdness" is rampant. You've either visited that place or wanted to visit that place, or wanted to know what that place looked like before you went there.
That's what I represent.
And if I came to you with my natural coily hair as it is now, in blue jeans and a fxcking plain black t-shirt and tried to sell you the Meowness, you. Would. Not. Buy it. Period.

I will say that when I was younger, all the way up to where I am now, I have expressed myself differently than that of my peers, even if I had on the same outfit (or elements of the same outfit), I must have carried it differently than they. I've seen people look at old pics of me and say, "You didn't look weird at all!" No, not to them in the picture. But, if you were walking down street with me at the time it was taken, in that outfit, you'd have heard a whole bunch of taunts thrown at me. I never got that. Still don't. But it is what it is.
Back then, it was: "THIS bxtch..." now it's: "THIS bxtch is walking through the supermarket with ma-fxckin' CAT ears on."
I do that because it's true for me now. That--walking through the supermarket with ma-fxckin' cat ears on-- is. MY. TRUTH. And I would be less than respectful of me-- of you, even-- if I didn't do that.
I just took a course that advised the very thing that I am already doing. I was pleasantly surprised to hear this. And I'm proud of the fact that I've already got "it". One less thing for me to learn.

I was recently reminded that for some reason Cyndi Lauper was a big influence on me. That I loved the look that Prince and all his proteges touted in the Revolution and New Power Generation eras. That it was all about shell-toe Adidas. That I wanted violet and white hair. That I had an affinity for and with cats. That I used to want to be like the characters from Battle of the Planets/Gatchaman. That I was a lot like Yuri from The Dirty Pair (Adam Warren version). That I once got teased for looking like "a reject from the X-Men" (which I thought was so funny...).
It certainly explains a lot about me.

If you notice the last part of the definition for gaudy, it says: "exceptional".
"EX-CEP-TION-AL".

ex·cep·tion·al (ikˈsepSHənəl)adj.
1. Being an exception; uncommon.
2. Well above average; extraordinary: an exceptional memory.
3. Deviating widely from a norm.
I can take that.

So, when I got the link to the review from The Daily Vault, it was accompanied by an email from the writer. In it, he expressed the fact that he loved what I was doing, to keep up the good work, and signed it, "Your fan from Canada".

In the end...still expressed being a fan. I was humbled.

That is what being true to who you are can get you. It takes longer, but it's worth it.

When I'm Stuck...

It's never fun to be stuck in a rut when you want to create something. I tried to describe the feeling once, and the best I could do was "It's like being pregnant with a LEGO sculpture and having to give birth to it brick by tedious brick."
I know. That WAS weird. But that's how it felt!
I mean, it's like I'll get a few things: a line here, a line there, an idea for a song over there. I jot them down straight away if I can. But have me sit and try to actually come up with a whole thing...it's rough.
I imagine it's due to stress, and stagnant energy. It's totally frustrating.
I have been told that I need to move from where I am to shake that up. Oh, but if it were that simple. Hopefully soon, where it is airy and sunny and I can go connect with the earth if I need to. I think that's something everyone has to do every once in awhile...
I used to dance to free up energy, but I don't so much anymore. It just doesn't bring me the same joy it did in my Past-life...at least for now. I think it was smothered out of me by a few key toxic relationships that used to be a part of my life. Maybe later, my view on that will change. Now when I stress, I sing it out, even though my voice isn't the best. But I feel that in my heart, and I just have to get it out...and what songs I choose are ultimately up to how I feel, the ones that I'm making an emotional connection with at the time. It feels good. Somehow, music has always been able to do that for me.
Not much to this blog...but thought I'd share.

I Love My Freakin' Hair...Get OVER It Already!

Don't get me wrong--I'm hoping yawl read past the title of this and see what I'm really about to say.
There is a video that has gone viral from the geniuses at Sesame Street, featuring a girl of colour singing her heart out about how she loves her hair.



The first I heard of it was this news report, and it made me smile. I loved that this man loved his daughter so much, he came up with a way, through his work , to show his little girl that her hair is beautiful just the way it is. I tracked it down and downloaded it for my little Grrl Cub (who at this point could care less that the Muppet loves her hair, she just cares that it's a Muppet), and so my whole family could see it. I am surprised at the strength of my feelings about this. I wish that something like this had been around when I was a Gatita. Had there been, perhaps I wouldn't have ever chemically altered my hair within an inch of its life, I dunno. Perhaps my mami wouldn't have ever taken me to the salon to get it done for the convenience and ease of styling it (for her). I thought it was a brilliant masterstroke from the head writer, Joey Mazzarino. Sesame Street has always been a game changer, from how children were taught, to how the death of a loved one should be dealt with. They have always had the balls to change the game. And they're doing it again...and people are pissed.

The main complaint I am hearing is that Sesame Street shouldn't have made it a "race thing", that it should've been a message for everyone with kinky hair. What these people fail to realise is that the song was mainly made for a little girl who didn't like her hair...a little AFRICAN girl.

 Go back and read the article, watch the news segment, and the video. I'll wait.

I can't believe how many people are bugging over this. I actually commented on a story featuring it, because I was so fed up w/the ignorance--the literally "not-knowing-ness" of those who just didn't get it:

For those of you "concerned" about this being a message geared towards ONLY African-American girls, I think you ought to see the backstory on why this song and video happened to begin with:
http://abcnews.go.com/WN/sesame-street-writer-inspired-daughter-creates-love-hair/story?id=11908940
For those of you that can't view that...Joey Mazzarino is a longtime Sesame Street writer, and he and his wife adopted a girl from Ethiopia. And like many of us girls with Afro-textured hair, she was bombarded w/images of Barbie and women with straight hair, which in this society, is deemed the beauty standard. She wondered why her hair wasn't straight, and she wanted hair like that to the point her father decided to make something for her to show her that her hair is beautiful the way it is. And it worked, according to him. She no longer feels that way. So, technically, YES--it WAS made for someone w/ Afro-textured hair, but ended up being a universal message for ANYONE WHO CAN IDENTIFY WITH IT. I think many of us would agree that if this segment had been around when we were in our formative years, we would have accepted our hair as is and learned to love it...like Joey's daughter.
For God's sake, stop getting all hung up on who it's aimed at and accept the message? Please?

Even after writing that, people still were bent on "it shouldn't be limited to black girls--it should be for everyone!" Whatever! What I said above is how I really feel on the subject. Yes, it was made for someone with Afro-textured hair. SFW?! If you can identify w/the message because you have bad unruly kinky hair, is it really such a big deal to you that it wasn't a little Latina/Jewish/Caucasian Muppet singing the damned song?
The only reason why it was a (presumably) African-American Muppet is because Joey's daughter needed someone who looked like her that she could identify with. Gawd. Get OVER it.
The ultimate message is: LOVE WHO THE HELL YOU ARE. Hair and all. Take it, drink it in, use it, and have a nice frosty bowl of STFU. Quityerbxtchin.



And in case you're wondering...yup--I have hair under my synthlox. And it is natural. Why the synthlox, you ask? I like them...end of story. I love that I can make my hair just about any colour--and I like my wild colours....I can do this w/o damaging it. I'm always changing it because I get bored easily. For some reason, I feel really at home in the synthlox. I get laughed at-- I got laughed at before by people when I wanted to install them ten years ago, only to see the same people go and get loc extensions themselves. It's okay, though. I don't wear them for anyone but myself.
Right now, I'm into this look... and growing my natural hair--which is to my shoulders when pulled taut--out underneath. Maybe someday I'll run around w/it permanently. Maybe I'll put a texturiser through it (it really hurts to comb my hair sometimes, LOL, and I can get it to still look Afro while making it easier on my comb). Who knows? Who cares? It's my freakin' hair...and I do love it.

Yes--I Know What It Means...Duh.

I was asked why the word "otaku" was used in "GataNegrraotaku", when the meaning is derogatory-- especially in Japan, and when Westerners use it ignorant of its meaning. Well, frankly... I wasn't the one who came up w/it entirely; it was kind of an inside joke.

The fan group founder (who, by the way, is Japanese) and I were sitting around shooting the shxt and talking about how Adam Warren had used that word in an issue of Dirty Pair where there was a Dirty Pair convention, calling the fans KYOtaku. We thought that was funny, since "otaku" is the honorific for house, but in Japan it means basically, you have such an obsession, hobby, or whatever that you don't leave your house... and therefore you are kind of a loser. We thought that it was cute how Western kids were trying to reclaim it as a positive thing, tho' if you went to Japan, they would prolly laugh your ass right out of the building or shake their heads in reproach and pity at the stupid "gaijin" (or "kokujin" in my case). At first we were using it in conjunction w/another project I was involved in (and thank God/dess I'm not anymore), but later just used it for me. We knew full well what we were doing. We figured that the fans I did have were totally in the closet, and prolly on the DL...there seemed to be so few of them. We imagined guys eating ramen and checking out gore shots of me and fun indie movies, buying pics, watching my lipsynchs, etc., and possibly never leaving the house. Ever. Why? Because it wasn't cule to be a fan of ThaGataNegrra for various reasons (she's fat, she's weird, she's crazy, she's lame; pick one and go w/it). Why even show your face? So, we also decided to claim it in irony. We thought the very idea was hilarious.

On the GNOtaku page on my former site, I just simplified the "dictionary" meaning: "Japanese colloquial term meaning 'obsessed fan' (which is what they said in the Dirty Pair mag, I might add); formerly used in a pejorative manner, but now accepted amongst otaku in an attempt to claim it in a positive light." Which is true, especially here. We also reasoned that there were people who were proud to be GNOtaku, that it was cule to be uncule, and basically nerds rule the world because w/o them I wouldn't be writing a blog on a computer that runs on electricity, now would I? W/o nerds, we'd be in the stone age, and totally not entertained at all. Geeks, nerds, and yes, otaku are good things. Who wouldn't be proud? But who'd admit it? Very few people...which is why the first GNOtaku slogan was "The Few and Proud", also a joke and homage to the Marines, LOL. We had a contest recently to change it because, hello? Trademark infringement much? LOL...

We absolutely knew what we were doing, believe me. I still think it's a funny, albeit true, joke. I am uncule...and to a lot of people, that makes me very cule because I choose to be who I am. The same can't be said for many people: I have been told by such folx I'm brave and whatnot for doing so; that I have balls. W'ever. I'm not trying to go out of my way to do it...never did. I just was/am that way. It's not a big deal.

So...the name GataNegrraotaku sticks. I'm not trying to insult anyone. In a way it's self-deprecating; in another it's saying "fxck you-- I'm fxcking proud to be lame!" Either way, I think I'll keep it.
Besides...it rolls off the tongue so nicely! (~_^)