Sunday, October 16, 2016

Haven't Blogged in Awhile.

Apologies, minna-san.

I've really been busy, and I also haven't really had much to say. If you're with me so far, you know the following:

--I finished my second album
--I've been gigging steadily, and even headlined one gig
--I did end up playing Newark Pride after all (thank you, guys)
--We added another dancer to the ranks

Other than that, I've just been going along. It's been hard but it's been worth it, and I've nearly achieved this year's goals.

It's in that spirit that I'm going to share a Facebook post I did, because I'm sure there's other indie acts who are feeling the same way I am.

I am not bitter this time, I promise. I'm just making a declaration to and a request of the Universe.

Declaration to the Universe:
I know You are rewarding me for taking risks.
I also know You are testing me, as well, to see if I still want this.
If it isn't obvious enough to You by now that I CAN and AM doing this because I want to, I don't know what more I can show or tell You.

I humbly submit the following:

I've gigged with a 101 degree fever and the bloody flu.
I've gigged in a literal hurricane (Irene, to be specific. FACTS).
I've gigged with no sound equipment.
I've gigged with no audience.
I've gigged for no pay.
I've gigged at walks, marathons, and animal benefits in the cold.
I've gigged at places where they absolutely hated me...and gained respect and fans anyway.
I've gigged with damned near no voice. 
I've gigged totally depressed, like "fxck EVERYONE" depressed.
I've gigged when a loved one has died.
I've been humiliated, scorned, and harassed.
I've even endured threats of bodily harm.
I've sacrificed things I shouldn't have had to for this.
I've taken more hits than I can count.
I've lost friends and family because I believe in what I do.

There is not a day spent where I'm not scouring for things to further my brand. No day where I haven't suggested to my reps what cons were going on and worked with them to think and go bigger.
There is no day where I'm not setting goals for myself.
There is no day where I'm not scratching and climbing.
There is no day that I'm not fighting for distinction in the wake of shapeshifting imihaters, and still forcing my head high.
And there is no day that I am not proud to do what I do.

These are facts.

I may not have full-on cosplays from scratch, I may not "look the part", I may not fit anywhere but with a small niche of geeks. There are people who may not get me, or care what I have to offer for one reason or another. But, Universe, I have not stopped.

I've been moving forward, even with those who would see me fail throwing all sorts of things in my path. Even with those who mean well inadvertently throwing things in my path because it's not as important to them as it is to me.

Does that not tell You, then, that I want this?

When it comes time for the grades, please mark me with "pass", and mark me present for every day whilst You're at it.
I'm ready.
Lemme graduate.