Sunday, October 16, 2016

Haven't Blogged in Awhile.

Apologies, minna-san.

I've really been busy, and I also haven't really had much to say. If you're with me so far, you know the following:

--I finished my second album
--I've been gigging steadily, and even headlined one gig
--I did end up playing Newark Pride after all (thank you, guys)
--We added another dancer to the ranks

Other than that, I've just been going along. It's been hard but it's been worth it, and I've nearly achieved this year's goals.

It's in that spirit that I'm going to share a Facebook post I did, because I'm sure there's other indie acts who are feeling the same way I am.

I am not bitter this time, I promise. I'm just making a declaration to and a request of the Universe.

Declaration to the Universe:
I know You are rewarding me for taking risks.
I also know You are testing me, as well, to see if I still want this.
If it isn't obvious enough to You by now that I CAN and AM doing this because I want to, I don't know what more I can show or tell You.

I humbly submit the following:

I've gigged with a 101 degree fever and the bloody flu.
I've gigged in a literal hurricane (Irene, to be specific. FACTS).
I've gigged with no sound equipment.
I've gigged with no audience.
I've gigged for no pay.
I've gigged at walks, marathons, and animal benefits in the cold.
I've gigged at places where they absolutely hated me...and gained respect and fans anyway.
I've gigged with damned near no voice. 
I've gigged totally depressed, like "fxck EVERYONE" depressed.
I've gigged when a loved one has died.
I've been humiliated, scorned, and harassed.
I've even endured threats of bodily harm.
I've sacrificed things I shouldn't have had to for this.
I've taken more hits than I can count.
I've lost friends and family because I believe in what I do.

There is not a day spent where I'm not scouring for things to further my brand. No day where I haven't suggested to my reps what cons were going on and worked with them to think and go bigger.
There is no day where I'm not setting goals for myself.
There is no day where I'm not scratching and climbing.
There is no day that I'm not fighting for distinction in the wake of shapeshifting imihaters, and still forcing my head high.
And there is no day that I am not proud to do what I do.

These are facts.

I may not have full-on cosplays from scratch, I may not "look the part", I may not fit anywhere but with a small niche of geeks. There are people who may not get me, or care what I have to offer for one reason or another. But, Universe, I have not stopped.

I've been moving forward, even with those who would see me fail throwing all sorts of things in my path. Even with those who mean well inadvertently throwing things in my path because it's not as important to them as it is to me.

Does that not tell You, then, that I want this?

When it comes time for the grades, please mark me with "pass", and mark me present for every day whilst You're at it.
I'm ready.
Lemme graduate.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Been Way Too Long...

Yes, I know.
Haven't really had much to say, I'm afraid...not sure I have much to say now, LOL. Most of my venting I get out on other social media, so I may be spent.

My time as of late has been spent recharging, fighting the system, taking care of my clowder, and recording my album. Since my last post (back in November?! Daaaayum), I think my extended family has had to bury more members, I've had an anniversary, I've gained another immediate member for the clowder, and I've managed to get several bookings at several anime- or manga- or comic-related events (or, to be more accurate, my management has). Much of this has been blocked by the proverbial "haters" (not to mention the really weird subtle stalking and outright harassment), who can partake in a vessel of phallic objects. I even hear tell they'd like to continue the Confusion Campaign by attempting to infiltrate the circuit in my immediate area. Why they want to do that when they have perfectly good opportunities in their area is beyond me, but who knows what goes on in the apparently miserable realm of Off-The-Map. "Here there be monsters," indeed.

Just look at them all.


It's been really good to work with my brother, PoppaRazi, again. I think he and I have a good rapport once we figure out WTF we're doing, and fall into a groove. Oddly enough, the years he spent in GA, he didn't create much, and neither did I, but once we were back in each other's spaces, we did a lot better. It took me a minute to get going, and I ended up doing a lot of writing before I had to record--sometimes on the same day. Along the way, I was told I helped some people to get inspired again, to love what they do as far as being recording artists and finding their muses again. If that's all I've accomplished with making this bloody album, that's actually satisfactory.


One thing I've discovered whilst getting ready to record and doing some shows along the way, is that some people still aren't ready to accept me. Hasn't stopped me yet, but it can be disheartening at times; I'm human. I take the advice of people who are close enough to me to care but not sycophantic and can be honest. They seem to think that it's just the people who are used to things being a certain way that are the problem. That's mainly why I chose anime/manga/comic events, because nekomimi don't even get a side eye there. Unfortunately, in some of these cases, the fact that I'm not full-on Japanese seems to be an issue. Another issue is that people hear "hip-hop" and immediately think the worst. And I suspect that my perceived sexuality was an issue at at least one LGBTQ event, and that might have carried over into my chances for the one coming up. You would think that my sexuality would be the last thing an LGBTQ event would be concerned about, but I'm guessing it's based on the perception I gave, having had been pregnant at the time. (Still bi when I'm pregnant and with a man, guys! Ya shoulda asked!)

I mean, really.

It don't matter. Nah worry we.

Other people around us are finding that gaining access to stuff in the Brick City area is like some Ark-of-the-Covenant guarded secret--it's not just me who feels this way. So, the solution is simple: kick down more doors. Either way, we're getting our messages out there and having fun at the same time. Not gonna do any of us any good to kvetch about it--we have to be proactive. Pave our own paths. That's what innovators do. If we fail, we just do it again, after finding out what didn't work the first time.

You recover, you get back up, you keep going. Nurse your injuries if you have to, but srsly--get. Up.

Like she's about to do. Just without an Agent chasing you.