Tuesday, April 21, 2020

I Admit It. I Have To Do Better.

Sorry, yawl.
(via GIPHY)

I don't know why it is so difficult for me to keep up with my blog. I find myself apologising to you lot more often than not. I'm sorry I haven't been active, and I will try to do better with this.

I. Can't. Even.
(via GfyCat)

Things have seemingly gone to shxt, haven't they? Life as we knew it has become something entirely different. You're locked down in the house. Any plans you had are suddenly up in the air or obliterated. None of the days feel like what they are (every day feels like Sunday to me). Nothing is certain-- not that things were before, but this really is a take-it-day-by-day situation. Moment-by-moment, even. This is how I've had to handle things.

I'm good.
(via GIPHY)

It hasn't been that difficult for me, the lockdown, and I can thank my only-child upbringing for that. I've baked bread, written lyrics, worked on a novel, updated my website, taken some (or started taking some) courses, made plans on how to best utilise my time, and just practised gratitude. I had been doing that in some form or fash anyway, but I have been doing it even more as of late. I really am grateful that I have this crazy clowder, who I love dearly.

I have also been taking more time to chat with my ancestors when I pray. I've begun living my life knowing that they are behind me, beside me, in front of me. I thank them for their contributions and for guiding me every day.

I have also been reading a lot. I can always turn to that when I have nothing else to do. It's one of my favourite pastimes anyway, but I know that if I don't have power, I can always find a flashlight and dig into a book.

It hasn't always been easy-- life still throws challenges at you (Peace broke my Sekhmet's arm off, our property management is being kind of a...pain, where the hell are eggs when you want them, the rum's gone) -- but it's also sent some bright spots (I'll be gifted another Sekhmet, someone gave us some eggs, people have been very generous, I went live on Instagram with one of my homies and did some songs). You take the bitter with the sweet, I suppose.

Yesterday, things finally came to a head for a situation in my life, and I am still reeling from that. I can only hope that this means I can make a way forward unfettered. Hoist my colours and bring me that horizon.

(via GIPHY)

I hope that, despite the fact that I cannot seem to stay blogging or sending a regular newsletter, you will continue to stick by me, GNOtaku. It seems that the wind is changing.

Friday, October 18, 2019

You Shall Not Pass

I was just told I have too many negative people in my space.

I was also told I focus too much on the haters around me.

I think what I have is too many people who don't get me in my space...or on the fringes of my space.

In some ways, they are almost as bad as the negative people (who are also on the fringes of my space).

If you don't know me or get me, please wait before you try to judge me. This applies to even those who think they know me best. Don't assume you understand my methods of coping or existing, and don't apply your template for thinking to any of it.

You really don't. (via GIPHY)

You see too much focus; I see me marking my fxcking perimeter and closing it off and putting up warning signs. I see barbed wire and a circle of salt, and a "YOU ARE SEEN. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE IF YOU HAVE COME TO WREAK HAVOC."

Yeh... bai. (via GIPHY)

You see me "responding" to negativity; I see me declaring who I am to the world and the Universe, and not backing down from my statement.

Completely ignoring the presence of those who come for you--I mean, REALLY come for you-- is not positive. It is setting yourself up for a possible problem, and I will not abide.

Do you leave your home unlocked when you see the wrong people about? Do you ignore them and keep on as you were with the windows up exposing all your valuables? No, you put up security. You install an alarm or a deterrent. You let people know that you are at home.

That...is what I'm about. Letting that element know, if and when they try to come for me, that I am at home and that alarm is on and they will NOT pass...and they will regret if they try.

He was polite about it. (via GIPHY)

If I talk about it, it is to raise awareness of it being there. Not lamentation...and not acceptance.

Once you realise this--and the fact that everyone's experience is relative to them--we'll get on just fine. Invalidating by saying "If I did that..." or something similar is not going to help anything.

TLDR: Get off your assumptions about people and find out the truth instead. My experience and methods ain't yours.

...aaaaand I'm out. (via GIPHY)

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

This. Stops. NOW.

GTFO. Bye.
I have been systematically removing all that is not best for my growth or that no longer serves as a positive force in my life--people, places, things, and ideas. Not things that might be challenging or uncomfortable, but shxt that is straight toxic.

Predators posing as house pets. People who say things that cause me to doubt and/or question my own power, or cause me to feel bad about myself--even if they are family. Dismissive, self-important/self-centered people. People who project their own negative beliefs ("I'm old/getting old/too old to change, learn, do something, or better myself" i.e.: "I'm set in my ways so fxck dat") onto myself and others. People who insult me in the guise of humour, or who insult me and then try to clean it up with flattery (like that makes it better. Making someone you care about feel like shxt isn't funny, cute, or constructive--it's poisonous).
Oh, really? You gotta go.

Stagnant energy, anything that hinders, including my and other people's harmful careless thoughts and beliefs. This is up to and including the use of the old name, because if I asked that it not be used and people keep doing so, or refuse to respect my wish to address me by my TRUE name for the sake of their or another's convenience, I take that as they wish me ill or they wan fi test me, and those people have NO place in my life.

Oh, HELL no...👏you. 👏Gotta. 👏GEAUX.

Thoughts are things; words carry energy...and I will not allow that dead-body energy around me. The old name carries that sort of energy. Those limiting beliefs have that sort of energy. Any and all of that needs to go. I have tolerated these, whether they be people, places, or things for too long, and I refuse to allow it in my life anymore. 5D>3D.

No more going along to get along, because that seemed to lead to trouble every time I did it (The TestosterXONE, NCC, certain business deals and purrsonal relationships). No more tolerating  abusive behaviour disguised as "it's just business". No more allowing people to use me or others around me. I will trust my intuition, and yeet this stuff away from me and mine. If it even smells slightly deadly, it's gotta go.


I used to have a three-strikes rule, which got whittled down to one-strike reeeeeal quick once I learnt I was better than that. I used to give second and third chances. I stopped doing that years ago. Realising that I was in relationships with two malignant narcs and friends with narcs--that I was RAISED by narcs-- has FINALLY taught me to guard my energy from ANYONE who even vaguely looks like they are coming for it. I will 👏cut. 👏You. 👏OFF.✂

I'm not giving anyone a gun to try to shoot me again because they missed me the first time. "Fxck" and "that"--in that order. I believe in ✂cutting✂ the tumours out, now. I won't live with the disease anymore; it's gotta get cured.

Yeet again. (Another one I had to make but I didn't save the first one. Oops. via GIPHY)

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Public Service Announcement

via Board of Wisdom


You can't simultaneously be supportive and dismissive of an artist.

If you approach an artist verbally about your interest in them and say you will follow up...


The ball is in your court. Don't wait for the artist to come to you. You expressed interest. If you fail to follow up we will just move on, much as you would if the roles were reversed. You can't even be mad if an artist complains about your lack of professionalism.

via Giphy

On the other side of that coin...artists, if you approach these people verbally and say you will contact them, do so. You went to them. Follow through. It's okay to pitch yourself to blogs and publications. How else will they know you? It is also okay to make yourself so known they come to you.

When an artist complains once in awhile about not getting the recognition they know they actually (read: not think they do) deserve when they have been grinding forever and walking their talk, it's not always entitlement. It's reality, because people out here still treating the entertainment like they mean nothing, and the first people to bxtch about our unrest are the promoters who do their damndest to milk every indie artist for their hard earned money.

Promoters be like:
(via Giphy)

Pay you just to be on your obscure radio show or podcast? No.

Pay you hundreds to be in a slot on a tour or so-called "industry showcase" that might not even be at a time when people see me? Nope.

Pay you to perform for less than ten minutes at a glorified block party? Fxck dat shxt.

Pay you for an interview in a magazine that pretty much was printed on your HP Envy and left in the corner of a bodega window and call it distribution? Really?!

No, you're right--nobody owes us anything... but for just being human and alive we deserve respect...until we prove otherwise.

We do have the right to vent our frustration. If you take offence, you are probably guilty.

It's prolly you.
(via Giphy)

Sunday, December 30, 2018

30-Day Hip-Hop Song Challenge Days 28-30

Catching up again.

Day 28: "Favourite track by an artist from New York".

Oh, that's hardly fair-- I have so many...

How about...

KRS-One-- "Never Give Up"

But some of yawl ain't trying to hear this, though...

Day 29: "Favourite track by Travis Scott".

Sorry--don't have one.

Day 30: "Favourite outro track to a project".

I'm coming up empty. Crap.

Why I Choose To Buy A Fresh Yule Tree

This is not this year's tree but one we did awhile back that my son themed: Autumnal Frost tree.

Since I was a kid, the holidays were usually sporadic as it seemed my mother couldn't decide if she wanted to celebrate them or not. I remember seeing her give away a large bag of ornaments once. On another hand, I do also remember her making a rather large display of white branches and lights and buying two tiny live potted trees to place next to this, and my presents were underneath on her glass coffee table.

But one thing I wholeheartedly remember is that when she did indulge in a tree, it was always fresh. I asked her once why didn't she get a fake one? Surely it was more practical to keep one to have when you needed it? (I was a kid, what did I know.) Her look of disdain and answer of "Eww, no" pretty much clammed me up.

I couldn't argue with the wonderful smell, though, and lying underneath to look up at the branches. It's still my favourite thing to lie beneath the tree once it's up.

As an adult, I got my first real big tree when I moved into my third apartment with my son. I remember how fresh and green it smelled, and a bit like oranges. I remember being happy to carry this tradition on for my boy. Technically, my first real tree was a potted one that I had in my second apartment, and we enjoyed her, but could not think of where to plant her afterward since we lived in the middle of the ghetto and I didn't drive. Ugh. I should have taken her to the park or something...

I digress.

I only bought a fake tree once and it was due to the fact I'd been hospitalised and wasn't released until Xmas Eve-Eve, so I hadn't much time to find a fresh one. I reluctantly grabbed a white $10 tree from Family Dollar and used that for a few years until it got really grody... I decided it was time for a fresh one again.

When Peace came to live with us at Tha Cat Lair, we began buying a fresh tree from our local Home Depot. I loved the energy shift in the home when we did. I remember Peace asking why we didn't get a plastic one, much like I had when I was a kid. I answered the same as my mother did, LOL.

Prolly not with this face, though. (via giphy)

I did wonder, though, if it might not be more eco-friendly to have a fake tree. And I did what I do best next to what I really do: I researched it.

I found that plastic trees are actually not eco-friendly or sustainable. Faux trees leave a rather large carbon footprint--twice the size of a real tree. According to the Carbon Trust, a fake tree would have to be kept and reused for about ten Xmases or Yules to keep its environmental impact lower than that of a real tree. Plus a fake tree is kind of foul burnt in a landfill. A real tree can be recycled into mulch or something. I hear you can recycle or repurpose fake trees, but not sure how.

So, this is why I continue and it's my clowder's preference to go with fresh trees. Do your own research-- go with what's right for you--make up your own mind for next year. Happy tree shopping!

Thursday, December 27, 2018

30-Day Hip-Hop Song Challenge Days 24-27

Got caught up in holiday cooking and merrymaking...

Let's continue, shall we?

Day 24: "Favourite track by an artist that deserves more recognition".
I'm...gonna leave myself out of this, LOL.

Who could I put here?

A.B.Y.S.S.-- "Queen"

This artist needs more recognition, period.
Oh, BTW-- she's my prima. Hope to work with her sometime.

Day 25: "Favourite track to turn up to".

Yeh... we don't do that in this department.

Day 26: "Favourite track with a dope sample".

Lemme see...

Das EFX--"They Want EFX"

This is so simple yet totally amazing.

Day 27: "Favourite track by an artist you don't usually fxck with".

TBH: if I don't fxck with them, why would I have a favourite?

But I think I got one.

It's old-school, though.

Ice Cube-- "Wicked"

I wasn't a huge fan but I fell in love with this for some reason.