Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Past Few Months; Realisations, A Decision

Yeh, I know. Where you been, bxtch? I'm tardy. Apologies, GNOtaku. I really do GAF about you guys...I didn't forget you!

It has been a REALLY difficult past few months. I kinda fell into a depression. And there are a myriad of reasons for that.

For starters, my mami's sister, my Aunt Caroline, had been ailing for months, and I wasn't aware of the seriousness of it. Because of the stigma attached to me due to stuff that went on in my past-life (pre-rebirth), I had kept a bit of arm's length between me and most of my immediate families on both maternal and paternal sides. I had talked to my aunt at intervals--she would call me or I would call her on our birthday, August 24th, and shoot the shxt. Or she'd call just for no apparent reason. Which was okay. I just couldn't be sure...well, let's us just say I couldn't be sure what condition she'd be in when we talked.

She'd been diagnosed with cancer before, and had had surgery, and they got it, as far as I knew. But more recently, she'd fallen ill with some sort of bug that made it impossible for her to eat for at least a month. She was admitted to hospital. At some point she was in a coma and had stopped breathing. A surgeon was called in, but she refused to operate, because nothing could be done. From what I understand, the pictures of my aunt's stomach were a mess. She had a lot of internal bleeding. At one point, she did actually wake up (I'm sorry; I'm all over the place), and was talking, and basically freaked everyone out because a few days prior, she'd been intubated and wasn't allowed to talk. She was very weak and doing poorly. When she woke up and started talking and eating, we thought she was on the mend. But that didn't happen...

Soon after, she passed away. I was in the room when it happened. My cousins and my mami say she'd already gone, but...that just isn't true. She was still there. I could feel her...and then she was gone.

The funeral planning was a special kind of chaos, but I'm not going to go into that. I will say this, though: GET A FXCKING ADVANCE DIRECTIVE. Like, RIGHT NOW.

So, that was one thing. At the same time my aunt was in hospital, my father was also admitted to hospital. He'd fallen ill, couldn't keep anything down, got really dehydrated. He ended up staying, and it turned out he had a blood clot. Which wasn't good because my dad had a stroke back in 2007 and spent time in rehab due to it. (Just remembered: the same thing happened to my aunt around the same time. UGH.) I was genuinely worried and sooo very frightened. My baby brother flew home from GA to be here. And fortunately, he recovered. He's back home and doing great. In fact, the day he was released, we ended up recording that night, LOL.

My dad is pretty hardy. I'm so grateful he recovered because that could have been so much worse...

What else? Let's see...

So, the weekend we worked on the rough of a song that ended up being called "Thirsty", I went over to Darkroom to re-record some vocals. My eldest brother happened to be there with my dad's sister: my Aunt Joanie, and my grandmother. (She's pretty hardy herself, BTW. At 96, she's still getting around and everything.) When I got there, they were getting ready to leave. I knew I had to brace myself for being called the past-life name. I was ready for that, but not ready for what followed. This was my Facebook status about it:

"My 96-yrs old grandmother totally got me.
'You look good,' she said. 
'Thank you, Grandma,' I said.
"She reaches out and touches my waist. 'Maybe you'll lose some of this,' she sez. 
"In. Front. Of. EVERYBODY! My dad, two brothers, aunt, and stepmom.
"I'm all ::urk::
" 'Someday,' was all I could manage.
” 'Someday,' she repeats.
"Mor. Ti. Fied.
My stepmom, bless her, takes the spotlight off me by going, 'Join the group.'
::goes to apply cold water to burned area and then to a corner to die::"

OMGGGGGGGG what a fxcking nightmare. I love my grandmother but she totally set me up! Complemented me and then shot me right the hell down, LOL. But Sag people tend to say things like that: "Y'know, you look good in vertical stripes. They totally make your thighs look smaller." They call it Foot-In-Mouth Disorder. ::shakes head::

Anyways, this came in a month of people critcising me about my weight, saying stuff like, "Why make it harder on yourself" by having all this weight, and the like. Like I could just one day get up and suddenly go, "Extra poundage, begone! Poof! Ta-daaaaaah!"  All of it was somewhat hurtful.
Okay, all of it was VERY hurtful. It came behind me posting a Throwback Thursday picture of myself when I was 150--which people still considered obese.

It led me to a realisation that, no matter WTF I do, I am still going to be considered obese/fat/chubby to someone. Radical acceptance!

I have a lot of issues there. Growing up, I was called ”cow”, ”pig”, ”chubby”, ”pregnant”, ”side of beef”, ”slab of bacon”...you get the idea. I was always told to hold my stomach in, tuck my butt under. I would sit on chairs with my legs raised to make them look less big because I always got teased about my thighs by my family and classmates. Eventually--and unconsciously-- I developed an eating disorder. Then, I was criticised--and by some of the same family members--for being too skinny. It was like, "MAKE UP YOUR FXCKING MIND!"

Yet, I have always struggled with it. At every weight I have been, someone was always calling me fat. My weight has been up and down, for one reason or another. Medication, lack of activity; ephedra, inability to eat, more activity. I can't even count calories because it brings up all that shxt from before, and I might think, "Oh, it would be so much easier to start back on the ipecac syrup", but that is not what I want. I am at a weight right now that I do not like, and I'm trying to do something about it, but it seems to never be enough for my critics.

They don't realise that all their comments--however well-meaning they may be--do nothing but set me back and impede my progress. It negates all the work I've done on myself in my head. Why that is, I'm not sure. I just know that certain things get stuck in my head and they don't fuel me to do something--the fat-shaming and the naysaying-- they have the opposite effect: they just shut me down. That kind of stuff never worked with me. I guess that's one thing from the past-life I have carried over that I still need to work on. And I am.

I've been debating vlogging about what I'm about to say next. I believe in being transparent with you guys. I mean, not everything is always good at Tha Cat Lair. I tend to Facebook-status my venting about what's wrong more than blog or tweet on it.

A couple of years ago, 3 Miles and I got into an agreement with a distribution label and LSS, signed away the rights to GATA City for two years. Big. Mistake. I wish we had never done it, I wish I had listened to my intuition, and I wish I didn't sign the contract during Mercury Retrograde. Basically, we signed a contract to keep doing what we'd ALREADY been attempting to do on our own, except someone else owns the rights and/or makes money from it. Imagine having to ask for permission to post your own fxcking music! Imagine copyright claims being thrown at you from every platform your music was already posted on before you even signed the agreement! Uber frustrating. I cannot promote myself properly if I am being restricted. Can't enter comps or anything like that because, since I am signed to two small labels, essentially, it is usually against the rules. The label is suffering financial setbacks due to us being swindled not once, but several times by different people we thought we could trust, and due to that we couldn't promote effectively or frequently. It is a clusterfxck of immense proportions. And meanwhile, we still have this unnecessary contract hanging over us. I still have the masters, but I am powerless for now.

Between this, and learning that my brother's laptop had been stolen, and along with it, the instrumental and raw tracks for GATA City (which were on an external drive) it seemed like the writing was on the wall. I made the decision to just back off for now with promoting that project until the agreement expires. I think I have an idea of how Prince must have felt. I'm not changing my name to no symbol, though.

We don't have much longer in the contract, but the project just seems to have taken on a weight of its own; it seems like my boulder I have to push uphill just to have it tumble down again. It's disheartening.

Also, in the process of all this turbulence, it hit me one day that I am Chief Operating Officer of 3 Miles Entertainment, and have been for the last two years. I didn't realise it even when my father (who is CEO) validated me for a decision I made regarding yet another struggle with the other label. "You did the right thing as an executive for 3 Miles Entertainment," he'd said. It took an article I was reading at the time to bring me to that realisation. I think that if I had done sooner, I would have made a different decision, put my foot down a little harder, and we wouldn't be in this mess.

So, the only time I will be doing anything with GATA City is the occasional performance. Which, at this time, doesn't seem likely as I am currently searching for someone to replace 3D, and I need to get into fighting shape again. (As I said, I've been in a depression. Which, incidentally, is also something I've struggled with for years.)

For the most part, GATA City is to me like an estranged child that I am not allowed to see very often. It hurts that I am so limited, but I have to push the hurt aside and start fresh, move on until we can be together again properly.

So, yeh...it's been hard. I am currently bent on making something new and doing more of it my way. I am having to come from another place with my projects. I think the universe is telling me to back up and regroup. I have to start over...

I think I'll be fine. We'll be fine. Once everything is sorted, and we get more people who GAF about our vision in our corner instead of using us as stepping stones to further their careers, we'll be golden and our run will be salvaged.




Sunday, August 25, 2013

On Being "Tawdry" and "Offputting"...


I got a review once from The Daily Vault that resulted in an A- (not too shabby). To this day, I think the reviewer was the only one who really got me musically, and I was SO happy and relieved about that, even though my brother wasn't as appreciative of what was said about the production of GATA City. (TBH, I don't think it sounded as "homegrown" as we were told in the article.) I think this will be remedied in future projects; but we've heard quite a few favourable comments from others (including, but not limited to people in radio) about the production, so I just chalk it up to "this shxt ain't for everybody". I mean, considering what passes for "the sound" nowadays... if this is what is considered "chique", then, I'll stay sounding "homespun", thank you very much, LOL.
The review also said this:

An integral part of [Tha]Gata Negrra’s image is her weirdness, which can seem a bit tawdry and offputting. Her music, however, is anything but. Gata Negrra might like to be... an anime character that wears gaudy clothes and makeup, but GATA City is an ordinary mainstream pop album – an enjoyable and a great mainstream pop album.
Huh. Okay.
I'm guessing the reviewer has never been to Japan. Or watched an anime. I could be wrong.
At the time, I wasn't quite offended; I've been getting that "OMG whatthehellisthat" reaction all my life, so it isn't new to me. I did bristle a bit at "tawdry" and "gaudy", which are usually pretty negative words:

taw·dry- adjective \ˈtȯ-drē, ˈtä-\ : cheap and gaudy in appearance or quality; also : ignoble <a tawdry attempt to smear his opponent> noun: cheap showy finery


gau·dy-  adjective \ˈgȯ-dē, ˈgä-\
1: ostentatiously or tastelessly ornamented
2: marked by extravagance or sometimes tasteless showiness : outlandish <gaudy lies> <gaudy claims>;
also :exceptional <a gaudy batting average>

Note that "gaudy" is actually used as a synonym for "tawdry".
Those words are just more shorthand for "We don't get it". Or, "We can't wrap our eyes around it. It's too much."
Okay. I'll buy that for a dollar. Like I said: it's nada new.
I was talking with someone I know who works for a prominent indie label and, in general, likes my look/brand, and he likened me to a fire hose...in that, when the audience comes to drink, instead of giving them a water fountain trickle, I visually give them a faceful of high-jet water. I thought it was funny, actually. And not por nada: it's kind of the point.
The odd bit is that this guy, who I respect and admire immensely and love him to death, actually suggested that I strip down--like a LOT--and give you guys the full-jet later (and yet, he loves and promotes people like Kerli, Lady Gaga, and Nicki Minaj and Madonna). I didn't immediately object--I mean, this guy is who he is for a reason-- but it would be, I dunno, untrue to me. I don't like giving people the untruth. I want to give you the full truth. I don't mean truth as in shedding all of the clothes and barrettes and adornments. Those are just amplification. I mean, if everyone wanted truth, we'd all be running around naked, no?
I mean full truth as in giving you the whole ThaGataNegrra experience. And that is what people come to see me for. You didn't come to see me sans synthlox extensions, sans clothes, sans the..."explosive" version of me. You didn't come to see me be "normal". You weren't attracted to me because I'm freaking "normal".

You came because you saw me flying my freak flag, didn't you?

You came because you saw that it isn't some chyck making play she's so unusual (yes, that is indeed an intentional Cyndi Lauper reference) like some artists you might see out there...you saw that it is coming from a place where genuine "weirdness" is rampant. You've either visited that place or wanted to visit that place, or wanted to know what that place looked like before you went there.
That's what I represent.
And if I came to you with my natural coily hair as it is now, in blue jeans and a fxcking plain black t-shirt and tried to sell you the Meowness, you. Would. Not. Buy it. Period.

I will say that when I was younger, all the way up to where I am now, I have expressed myself differently than that of my peers, even if I had on the same outfit (or elements of the same outfit), I must have carried it differently than they. I've seen people look at old pics of me and say, "You didn't look weird at all!" No, not to them in the picture. But, if you were walking down street with me at the time it was taken, in that outfit, you'd have heard a whole bunch of taunts thrown at me. I never got that. Still don't. But it is what it is.
Back then, it was: "THIS bxtch..." now it's: "THIS bxtch is walking through the supermarket with ma-fxckin' CAT ears on."
I do that because it's true for me now. That--walking through the supermarket with ma-fxckin' cat ears on-- is. MY. TRUTH. And I would be less than respectful of me-- of you, even-- if I didn't do that.
I just took a course that advised the very thing that I am already doing. I was pleasantly surprised to hear this. And I'm proud of the fact that I've already got "it". One less thing for me to learn.

I was recently reminded that for some reason Cyndi Lauper was a big influence on me. That I loved the look that Prince and all his proteges touted in the Revolution and New Power Generation eras. That it was all about shell-toe Adidas. That I wanted violet and white hair. That I had an affinity for and with cats. That I used to want to be like the characters from Battle of the Planets/Gatchaman. That I was a lot like Yuri from The Dirty Pair (Adam Warren version). That I once got teased for looking like "a reject from the X-Men" (which I thought was so funny...).
It certainly explains a lot about me.

If you notice the last part of the definition for gaudy, it says: "exceptional".
"EX-CEP-TION-AL".

ex·cep·tion·al (ikˈsepSHənəl)adj.
1. Being an exception; uncommon.
2. Well above average; extraordinary: an exceptional memory.
3. Deviating widely from a norm.

I can take that.

So, when I got the link to the review from The Daily Vault, it was accompanied by an email from the writer. In it, he expressed the fact that he loved what I was doing, to keep up the good work, and signed it, "Your fan from Canada".

In the end...still expressed being a fan. I was humbled.

That is what being true to who you are can get you. It takes longer, but it's worth it.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Random Birthday Post

So, it's my birthday, and because one of my dancers, 3D, posted this on my wall on Facebook
image
...we ended up watching Chapelle's Show. Of course, I remembered that Mr. Chappelle and I share a birthday...and because of the episode where this happened, I was reminded of this:
 photo slapagain_zpsd3749e70.gif
This is my fave of that meme....HAHAHAHA
Okay, I'm done.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

When I'm Stuck...

It's never fun to be stuck in a rut when you want to create something. I tried to describe the feeling once, and the best I could do was "It's like being pregnant with a LEGO sculpture and having to give birth to it brick by tedious brick."
I know. That WAS weird. But that's how it felt!
I mean, it's like I'll get a few things: a line here, a line there, an idea for a song over there. I jot them down straight away if I can. But have me sit and try to actually come up with a whole thing...it's rough.
I imagine it's due to stress, and stagnant energy. It's totally frustrating.
I have been told that I need to move from where I am to shake that up. Oh, but if it were that simple. Hopefully soon, where it is airy and sunny and I can go connect with the earth if I need to. I think that's something everyone has to do every once in awhile...
I used to dance to free up energy, but I don't so much anymore. It just doesn't bring me the same joy it did in my Past-life...at least for now. I think it was smothered out of me by a few key toxic relationships that used to be a part of my life. Maybe later, my view on that will change. Now when I stress, I sing it out, even though my voice isn't the best. But I feel that in my heart, and I just have to get it out...and what songs I choose are ultimately up to how I feel, the ones that I'm making an emotional connection with at the time. It feels good. Somehow, music has always been able to do that for me.
Not much to this blog...but thought I'd share.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Still "The Two-Take Kid"...

Last month, I had the genuine pleasure of making an appearance in a good friend of mine's video. His name is Mr. Live and he is one of the MCs I can truly say I have a healthy amount of reverence for. Although you wouldn't know it by the fact that I showed up extremely late to said video shoot!
The call time was for 9 AM at the earliest--how about, due to unforeseen circumstances (read: NOBODY'S alarm went off at Tha Cat Lair), I ended up there at more like, 1 PM? It seemed as if everything was conspiring to stop me from arriving, but we made it, and Mr. Live was very forgiving (not sure about his partner Earl Blaize, though. He barely said two words to me, LOL).
At any rate, I sat in the subway car, brushed on makeup as fast as I could, and watched the filming take place. I was comforted by the fact that it reminded me of how guerrilla my own video had been when it was filmed. Peace again ended up being a part of the production by proxy. I need to just take him everywhere I go forever.
Soon, it was my turn to film, and I needed to have a 'tude, so I got into character for my brief moment. I was worried I would suck and screw it up, thereby cementing the exasperation experienced by the cast and crew who waited for my tardy ass. I looked dead in the camera and said my line on cue (I had been listening to the song almost non-stop for the past three days, right up until I showed for the shoot), and cringed at the slight pause...then cringed even more at the round of laughter that came afterwards. OMG, I thought, that must've really sucked.
"That was good!" said one of the crew, laughing. Mr. Live looked satisfied. "I feel kinda jilted," he said. The take was good! Thank God.
They wanted to get another one, so I said the line a second time. More laughter and more satisfaction from Mr. Live. So I was relieved and very happy.
Besides the party/fantasy scene that took place, I was basically done. I said, "I better had gotten it in two takes, showing up as late as I did...shxt!"
A recurring theme in my life, with anything I've done, was to finish my work in two takes. I admit that at most points in my life I would nail it in one, but not always. My father had taken to calling me "The Two-Take Kid". Hence, the title of the blog.
I'm just glad I haven't lost my touch.
Here's the finished product below.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Sorry to Be All Late With an Entry...

Some catching up:
For those wondering "What happened to the manga?"-- it's coming, worry not. "Yeh," the cynical amongst you say, "so is Christmas." Oh, just wait for it, LOL.
I'm also working on publishing my novel in paperback. I had just been selling it as an e-book, but a childhood friend who just published hers inspired me to go for the hardcore and make it physical. Some people just still like the feel of a book in their hand. Now while I can read digital stuff all day long, I still enjoy a book; the smell, the weight, the page turning. Nada like it! Plus, it doesn't really seem tangible unless it's right in front of you. I estimate I will be done with both by the end of the summer.
Trying to find a dancer is still not bearing fruit; either they've been overqualified, or shy, or not a good fit. But we're not giving up!

One thing I have been doing lately, and with baby steps, is trying to eat better, cleaner. It's hard, when you have people in your family who don't always read labels, and compounded by the sometimes seemingly impossible task of finding GMO-free food. We eat as much organic as we can. We are substituting certain fats for other fats. We are trying to think "natural"--and I mean REAL natural, not that shxt they put on packaging as a buzzword to get you to buy it. It's difficult, but we feel better for it. And TBH: it really does taste better. Now if I could just get my cosmetics and toiletries and crap all- or mostly natural, that would be nice, but as I said, "baby steps".

I will be working on a mixtape, so I'm on the hunt for producers, since it seems that my former producer (read: brother) has his sights set on something else. It's been slow going due to writer's block kicking me in the head, but I still get lines and write them down to sort them out later. I don't believe in forcing the process, because you get lazy and then just write anything, and that ultimately isn't fair to you, my audience. I have seen people, artists out now, start out with some good shxt and then just get lazy because everyone's kissing their ass. It's sad...

The team is also trying to find a venue to run a bi-monthly showcase...since the ops are few and far between for something different in our area. We'd like to find the people who say "fxck the box" and just do them.

Oh, and lately, it seems that people who have been doing their thing Nippon-style have been falling into/back into my life again, so I may just get to try a real bowl of ramen...
I've been in training...I'm hoping to post some content of that. So keep checking here, and Miau Central on YouTube, as well as my Instagram...

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Humility, Motherfxcker--Do You Speak It?!


"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less."--C. S. Lewis

"The first test of a truly great man is his humility. By humility I don't mean doubt of his powers or hesitation in speaking his opinion, but merely an understanding of the relationship of what he can say and what he can do." --John Ruskin

I chose that title because it was the first thing I thought of when I got the notion to write this. I'd thought of  the proceeding incidents, and then of the catalyst of said incidents, and then realised the type of mindset I was actually dealing with...let's just say the type you take with a very tiny grain of salt.
That, and I thought of Sam Jackson's line in Pulp Fiction.

It was brought to my attention awhile back that because I am dead honest about my strengths and my weaknesses, certain people had some really stupid names to call me. I need to mention, I suppose, that these aforementioned people wouldn't know humility from the hole in their arse, so I imagine such a concept is lost on them if they think me pointing these things out about myself is stupid.

Anyway...I've also noticed that people also take this as me being "down on myself". Now while I will be first to admit I have a tendency to be a bit self-deprecating, in this life I am less about putting myself down and more about being brutally honest with myself, contrary to what some people would have you think. All I ever do is take inventory.

One thing I've noticed--and especially amongst people of colour--AND amongst those in my genre-- is if you're not constantly bragging about how badass you are, or what shxt you have, or how many bxtches/nxggas you pull, or how yer "living/lovinglife and doing you", you pretty much are negative, or worse, nothing. If you state the situation as real as it is, you are accused of being negative. It's always the realist that's negative. It's not even about putting it into the air, so much as putting it into the air so you know where you stand, and can begin to assess and change it.

I have never been a person to assert things about myself that weren't true. At all. I know what my strengths are. I just don't go round overtly beating the world over the head with it. I'm an emcee; of course at some point I'm gonna be like, "I can turn a phrase/leave yer ass amazed" or some shxt like that (see what I did there?). It's my job. But I'm not gonna flat-out lie, or "fake it till I make it". Just not my style. I've pushed down sadness to get through things, but not before I've gone off and had a bit of a vent about it somewhere someone couldn't see. Not everything is meant for the world's eyes.

I know what my weaknesses are. I don't let everyone know about all of them, but I don't hide them all, either. Some are glaringly obvious and I will alert people to them if I feel it's necessary, partly because it allows me to improve. I don't see how that makes me negative, or a "dunce" (Jesus, what an old-fashioned word). If anything, it makes me very aware of who I am, which is more than can be said for a lot of people. In that, I think there's positivity. What could be more positive than honesty? Yawl talk all this noise about "keeping it real" and get mad when someone actually does. Wow.

I was always taught to be humble. Sometimes I think it was drilled home a little too hard, in that the result is I don't run around tooting my own horn like an egomaniac. Sometimes you have to toot your own horn to the right people. Yet if you're a party horn trying to come off like a vuvuzela...that's a problem.

Cocky does not equal confident. There seem to be a lot of people deluding themselves on that. If you have to constantly yell at the world how great you are, then you must not really be that great. The world can see right through veneers like that. Why bother, when I could just be me? If I'm not good enough for you, then fxck you, basically. I'll find those I AM good enough for.

Behaving as if I have delusions of grandeur just isn't me. I told yawl "straight, no chaser" and I meant it.
So, when someone says I'm "acting big and bad", they couldn't BE more wrong. Sometimes people can project their own fail onto others; they assume that's how the person they are accusing of that is behaving because it's something THEY themselves would do, when the reality is they couldn't be further from the truth. Leave your ego in its case. Don't hang it on me like a petulant child.

And don't judge me if I should say something that you perceive as "negative" or me putting myself down. Look closer. You might see the rarest of truths.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Pioneers Are Forgetting...

Sometimes certain stuff sends me off on Twitter rants. De La Soul released a song yesterday that had them drawing inspiration from the Wu-Tang Clan, whom I respect but wasn't always a fan of their stuff cuz I couldn't relate to much of it (yeh, I know, sacrilege and blasphemy). Interspersed with the song's lyrics was a track from a Wu-Tang intro from a past album, about what hip-hop has/had become.
The song is brilliant, though. And fresh-air simplicity.
But it sort of sent me off on a tirade.
Read from the bottom of each picture:




At some point in the song "fxck a party" was said.
"Fxck a party"?
Really?!
WTF do you think hip-hop and rap came from? How can you deny that? I just don't understand, I guess. It's like spitting in the face of your mother. And the really sad part is some of this attitude is coming from the pioneers who did the damned music in the first freakin' place!
The reason why I take emotional issue with this is because I am normally dismissed along with the other mainstream rap artists who are putting out less than quality stuff. I am viewed as riding a gimmick, when I'm merely being who I am...and they think this is all there is, the GATA City project. Even it, in all its danciness, is more hip-hop than most people will admit. It makes no apologies for what it is, and neither do I, to be honest.
People can sit round and say I'm not real, and my stuff is just dance and therefore useless mainstream fodder, but I truly believe in my pores that I am more hip-hop than most people think, simply cuz I'm being true to me, and to its roots. For fxck's sake, one of the first--if not THE first-- rap song committed to wax was done over a bloody disco song. Are you fxcking kidding me, people?
As a certain band once said, "Don't damn me."
As a certain icon once said, "I'm not your bxtch/don't hang your shxt on me."





Tuesday, April 9, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 25


Well, it's the last day of the challenge! I hope you enjoyed reading these.
Day 25: A song you could listen to all day without getting tired of.
I actually did this the other day...it's another No Doubt song:





Settle Down--No Doubt. This song...no doubt speaks to me (see what I did there?). They always have at least one song that I emotionally connect with; it never fails.

Monday, April 8, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAYS 23-24


Day 23: A song that you cannot stand to listen to.
Now why would I even post that if I can't stand listening to it? Waaaaayyyy too many songs fall under this category for me to choose just one... so I think I'll pass.

Day 24: A song that you have danced to with your best friend.
Here we are back to Peace again! LOL. We danced to this at the Fetish Prom, which was his first prom. My going to two proms (my own and someone else's; never mind I was out of high school when I was asked to the second) made me look like I had a prom career in comparison to him, LOL...


Anyway, it was one of the last dances and yet another song that is "ours" due to it. One of the best moments ever...he sez he always thought of me when he heard this song.





Tear You Apart--She Wants Revenge

Saturday, April 6, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 22


Day 22: A song that someone has sung to you.

Y'know, TECHNICALLY I don't think this has happened, unless you count your friends just randomly singing stuff. Although Peace felt compelled to sing this the other day, staring me dead in the eye:





Prototype--OutKast

Friday, April 5, 2013

It's Been 19 Years...I Still Miss You

Kurt Donald Cobain....
Y'know, I never thanked you for saving my life. You got me through so many bad times, so many bottom-of-the-pit days, you and Nirvana.
When I learned that you were gone, I was standing in the kitchen of a place where I was crashing and heard on the radio that you'd been found dead...ugh. I was devastated. I must have cried a million tears and played "Heart-Shaped Box" a million more. I couldn't understand. MTV was dominated all day by nothing but Nirvana, and grieving fans everywhere. My "boyfriend" at the time didn't get it, and said I "couldn't let other people's problems affect my life". He just didn't know how powerful and significant you were to the world.
I'm so sorry you couldn't stay. I wish that you could have given us more great, honest music. You changed the game. Who knows? You could've changed it again.
Here's to you...I hope wherever you ended up, they let you come as you were.

Thank you...from the bottom of my soul.

http://www.justiceforkurt.com/

25-Day Song Challenge--DAYS 20-21


Day 20: The last song alphabetically in your iTunes.
::goes to check::
Again, this is by artist:




Bostich--Yello. This was the shxt...still is.

Day 21: Your favourite song.

This fluctuates. But I guess I can't pick nothing, so....




7 Nation Army Remix--The Glitch Mob.
You know it's bad when you can't go back to listening to the original cuz it just doesn't kick you in the gut in the same way.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAYS 18-19


Day 18: A song you love but rarely listen to.

If I had to pick one, it'd be this one:





Goodbye Is Forever--Arcadia

Day 19: The first song alphabetically in your iTunes.

::goes to check iTunes::

My songs seem to be alphabetised by artist....
It was this:




Strip--Adam Ant. Sooooo effin' smexy.

Monday, April 1, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 17


Day 17: A song that makes you want to dance.

I have quite a few of these, too...but just lately it's been this one:




No Doubt // Looking Hot from The Wall Group on Vimeo.

Looking Hot-- No Doubt
Too bad I don't really feel like this, LOL...well at least the verses. 

Sunday, March 31, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAYS 13, 14, 15, 16


Wow...really behind. Still fighting this cold.

Day 13: A song that reminds you of a  former friend.
Whenever I would talk to a certain female friend of mine when she lived with her boyfriend in NYC, for some reason this song would always come on my player:



When I Come Around--Green Day

Day 14: A song that reminds you of your boyfriend.

We have this as "our song":





Everlong--Foo Fighters.
This seemed to be our song from the very beginning. There are a few others, but this is THE one.

Day 15: A song you love singing along to.

I have a ton of these, but this is one I'm always singing like a maniac when I'm cooking:




Pretend To Be Nice--Josie and the Pussycats.

Day 16: A song that has made you cry.

Oh, for sure, this one did. Like a baby.




Into The Ocean--Blue October.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge-- DAYS 11-12


Day 11: A song on the soundtrack of your favourite movie.
I have waaaayyyy too many favourite movies, but the first thing that came to mind was this:




Black Sheep--The Clash at Demonhead. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Soundtrack. I prefer the version with Brie Larson's vocal, even though it is technically a song by the band Metric.

Day 12: The last song you heard.

I believe it may have been this:




Birthday Cake--Cibo Matto. I blame Jet Set Radio Future.

Monday, March 25, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge DAYS 7, 8, 9 and 10

Sorry I'm behind, BTW. I was busy, and then took ill. Still not feeling that great, but...here we go.

Day 07: A song that reminds you of the past summer.

Like you didn't know this was coming cuz it was only everywhere:




Gangnam Style--PSY.
Eff you-- I love it, LOL

Day 08: A song that reminds you of your first love.

Oh, WOW.
Uhm...prolly this one:




Patience--Guns N Roses
I chose it because it always reminds me of him for some reason. We were really into this band's stuff.

Day 09: A song that makes you hopeful.

I guess this...I dunno if it's exactly hopeful, but sometimes it does keep me going.




Move Along--All American Rejects

Day 10: A song by your favourite band.

I dunno if I even HAVE one of those anymore...like an absolute fave. There are a few I would pay to see. Maybe this one will work, then....



  The Small Print-- MUSE
One of my faves by them. I love this band.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 6


Day 06: A song that reminds you of a best friend.
Huh.
My best friend is my boyfriend of five years, Peace. He's probably the bestest friend I have ever had, TBH. I'm not just saying that because he's the father of my cubs, either. He walked in when everyone else walked out; 'nuff said; g'night. Fierce loyalty, not fairweather, always down for fxckin' whatever. If I ever found a female friend with that kinda loyalty, I'd get on my knees and thank God/dess. 
I have pretty good female friends, old friends, and people who I admire and get on well with, but my best friend is Peace. And, honestly, to find one song that reminds me of him in a friendship context is damned difficult.
But I'll try, anyway.
Uhm...
I got it.





Otherside--Red Hot Chili Peppers.

On my birthday one year we went to a karaoke bar (that I will never set foot in again, I guess) and he got onstage with his then-chyck and tried--TRIED-- to sing this song. I was so tickled by it cuz he wasn't even trying to read the lyrics, LOL. That's why I use emphasis on "tried"! I thought it took some cojones, and it was definitely memorable. He also brought me a Mudd bag that I carried, like, everywhere after that.
Oddly enough, he started singing the hook from this the other day for no apparent reason, and stared right into my eyes while doing so. I smiled. Partly because of that karaoke thing!
So, while we weren't best friends--but good friends-- at the time, I think this is still a fair choice.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 5


Day 05: A song that is often stuck in your head.

Easy.
Right now it's this:





Help I'm Alive--Metric

I really love this song because I can relate to it for some reason. I have some strange emotional connection to it. Eighty percent of the time it's stuck in my head.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 4


Day 04: A song that calms you down.

Y'know...I never really thought about this, and I'm not sure I even HAVE a current one that accomplishes this task. BUT...I can name one that did for me once...so much so I had an out-of-body-experience while listening to it.




This is from Songs From The Big Chair: Listen--Tears For Fears.
I love this band.

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 3


Day 3: A song that reminds you of one/both of your parents.
Also hard... but I think I got at least one.
This song reminds me of my dad because, well, he's mentioned in it. You see, my dad, he grew up with George Clinton. They were on the same label; my dad was in a group called The Supremes; George with The Parliaments. They always had this rivalry/acknowledgement thing going on where they would reference each other. This song contains a reference to my dad by George, and so I pick this :



Flash Light--Parliament.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 2


Day 02: A song that reminds you of your most recent ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

This is a DUMB one.
Hmmm...and difficult.
I got it.
I guess this would be told from the POV of the ex--as if they're speaking. Or maybe it's all I heard whenever they talked towards the end--even well BEFORE the end, but, y'know, brainwashing'll do that to you.





Liar--Rollins Band
...'nuff said.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

25-Day Song Challenge--DAY 1

Okay, giving this a shot...

Day 01: A song from your childhood.
Huh.
Okay, to keep folx guessing, I will give more than one...hee hee hee!!!




Take On Me from a-ha. This video is fxcking epic. I chose it because it makes me happy, and I currently have it on my mp3 player. But you know what? They have another I love that no-one seems to remember:




The Sun Always Shines on TV. I just seem to have this...connection to this song.




Leave Me Alone--Michael Jackson. Chosen cuz, yeh--I DO feel like this sometimes due to outside drama from sources I don't need it from...




  Spice Girls--Say You'll Be There. I just like the visuals.



Okay, that's enough...I said I'd keep you guessing.

Okay, Let's See...

Where do I start...
I'm grateful Mercury Retrograde is almost over-- I am so sick of not being understood even more so than usual! Anything technical has been screwing up when it can, and it's so frustrating. But things, nevertheless, have been happening. I have a few projects coming up, and I'm eager to get to work. 
It's been a rough month, but we pull through as best as we can. I'm going to have to get another dancer, albeit temporarily, at least that's the impression I'm under. 3D has gone to Florida for a bit. I hate looking because it's hard to find a quality dancer who doesn't have this...attitude, but I gotta do what I gotta do.
I'll be dropping in on a few things this spring, just to say hey, lend a hand to some fellow AAEHH members, extend my reach a little. I'm also back on an endurance regimen, cuz I totally need it after slacking off due to the holidays and to stress. Handle your stress, yawl--do what worx for you.
Been putting in work on developing a monthly event. I'm hoping I can get this off the ground and get the type of people I'd like to have involved all-in. It's nice to have people who actually believe in what you're doing, and the vision you have.
Oh, I'll be starting a 25-day song challenge. Soo you might be hearing from me for the next 25 days, if I'm lucky...

Friday, February 15, 2013

Long Time, No Post; Recent Happenings; Goodbye, Mrs. K

Yeh, yeh-- I know. Let's roll the effing dice, shall we?
So... I was recently asked to be in a commercial for Majesty Loft, which has since moved from Newark, NJ to Montclair, NJ (sigh). But the space is gorgeous, and much larger than the original location. They also call it  Majesty Ballroom. The director did sort of a pan shot to show all of the things that could be done at the Loft. It was fun to do. The funniest part about the shoot is that the person who was cast as the groom didn't show up, and Peace ended up filling in for him! He wasn't even supposed to be there, LOL.
The director and I have been discussing making another video, so I'll keep you posted about that.
I'm working on more bookings this year. I've been networking and making some great contacts, one of which is a really cule dude going by the name of Mecca Godzilla (now watch as the confusion campaign begins...but he knows already, LOL). This guy has seen some stuff, lemme tell ya. I am hoping to work with him on some trax in the future.
I've been struck with writer's block... I've been writing in dribs and drabs, but they're bomb, the lines I've been jotting down.
We took a break over the holiday as far as rehearsing goes, but that should begin again soon. We have some shxt to do, LOL...no more slacking off!
I'm still under both 3 Miles and BrainMuscle, that hasn't changed.
I'm putting the finishing touches on the redesign of my website. It needed another overhaul. I wanted it to reflect more of my music, give it some direction and focus.
I got some bad news about one of my music teachers from Arts High, who had to be the sweetest woman...she was suddenly diagnosed with cancer around October, and lost the fight a few weeks ago. I was devastated. Her name was Linda Lanier-Keosaian. We never had any deep conversations or anything, but she encouraged me, cared about me. I daresay she loved every single one of her students. She taught me to love madrigals, and love singing them. She taught me that even the smallest voice has impact. She tried to show us all that we mattered, that we were important. And if the posts from classes that came behind me in school were any indication, she hadn't changed a bit in the years after I'd graduated.
We have lost a very fine person, and the world is poorer for it.
We love you, Mrs. K.
I love you.
Thank you for everything.