Saturday, February 12, 2011

Repost of a Blog on HHS

Something I wrote on Hip-Hop Sisters...

So, yeh. I haven't been here much because I just couldn't get ahold of a consistent connection to save my bloody life, but I have one maybe I can stop lurking so much and say a little more.
Also, I've been going thru quite a bit lately, balancing raising my cubs and recording and battling building management and staying ain't always pretty, but I get it done.
But, it loox like the fruits of my labour will be shared soon: my first effort is looking at a March release. I'm signed to a small DIY label and I'm just happy I get to share my organised chaotic noise with someone.
I will never profess to being the deffest femcee ever (did I just say that?). It's just the medium with which I have always expressed myself, besides writing, and angry stressed-out photoshop manipulation.There is, I notice, a lot of pressure to be "THAT" girl...but I'm just another rapper, just like there are singers enough to throw a stick at, I'm part of the femcee ranx. I'm not playing house; this is what I do. I just do it differently.
The album is oriented than I expected it to be (I will be honest and say it wasn't planned that way at all; I just kinda followed where the trax took me). There are, however, a few more rhyme-based tracks there...some w/no catchy singing hooks (thank God/dess because my singing blows, LOL) and some funny interludes...I even delve into some Japanese at some point. The thing that makes this genuine is that it does explore my influences, gives you a glimpse into my personality(ies), and hopefully allows the listener to have some fun, which is partially what I was hoping for. I love to dance, so I wrote dance stuff. I'm cartoonish, so you'll hear cartoonish trax. I have insecurities, so you'll see that too.
I know there are some people that I am automatically gonna get compared to, but I can't help that. I can only show you how I'm different from them, continue to follow my creative path, and come up with more content. I'm not trying to change the world, just trying to create some stuff. I know people are gonna dismiss my shxt as disposable pop, but I had to actually classify myself in the pop category primarily w/hip-hop second, because where else would it go, really, w/all that dance stuff? LOL... I haven't even begun to touch all I wanna do. I guess that will have to wait for next project or exclusive online releases (hint hint). I set out to have fun on this, and I did, contrary to my collaborators' opinions at times. You'll see the deeper parts later, for sure.

There was a time during all this that I admit I was skeptical. I am a product of the "I-do-not-believe-shxt-until-I-see-it" philosophy; I admit it. There have been many times I have been told that I was the next big thing (sure), that my time had come (right), and that I was gonna blow up (uh-huh). My tendency to not be arrogant about my abilities kinda damps that down too much for me to get a swelled head on such things. There have been people that said they were gonna do this or that for me, and didn't follow thru for whatever reason...I have been so close to a "deal" I could almost touch it...but no dice. So I just learned to wait (and, totally said "I don't give a fxck anymore about a record deal"--and meant it, LOL) until I actually see something that loox promising, like this does. But even then, I don't get too excited. Perhaps it's a defence mech.
At this point, I'm just happy to be committing something to "wax", as it were. Something tangible that people can actually hold in their hands and listen to. Something that can actually open doors to other things. Maybe even get me and my cubs the hell outta this freakin' neighbourhood and into a place where we can all breathe. I can dream, can't I? LOL
I'm excited and happy cuz there are people who are actually waiting to hear something else from me, besides what they find online. They are who I did this for. If other people like it, yay, good shxt. I have my fears and insecurities: I won't be taken seriously, people will hate it, people (especially my own) will think I'm too weird, hip-hop purists will think I'm contributing to the problem by not talking about anything conscious, per se, the alt community is gonna be pissed at me if I go mainstream, EVERYONE is gonna be pissed at me if I go mainstream, people will auto assume I'm biting off of someone else, blah, blah, blah. It's easy to say that if I have haters, I'm doing something right. I have always had haters just cuz I am who I am, and always will. It is a vulnerable place to be. But, at the same time, it's also empowering in that my vision of who I am and what I choose to be is strong enough to survive all that negativity. I tend to not conform by default. (I may compromise a bit, but if it's totally against what I believe in, fxck that.) I will not go so far as to say everysinglething I've done/worn/tried I came up with; I just know what I like, and I throw things together and hope it sticks.'s always been my way. If I can't buy/find/collaborate with it, I figure it out on my own.
Okay, enough sharing for now. I do hope that people do dig on this, and can look past their first impressions and see my truth. It'll be interesting to see where this leads.
I stand by my promise yawl, that I tweeted so long ago: "I'll do nothing less than be true to myself and who I am. I won't put on airs. You will get GATA straight-no-chaser."

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